倒数十天....

最近忙着工作，压力从来未减少过，很想给自己放个假，可惜公司不批准。只好等到明年吧，再过十天就是明年了，时间过得真快，今年的改变最大，思想也成熟很多，也可以说是环境改变这一切。

目前为止，还未为自己想过whether我有实现我的new year resolution吗？也还没为2008 做出任何打算。今年唯一遗憾的是爱情彻底失败......或也可以说是从未开始过。我每次都在想是我有问题吗？可能吧....可能if compare with 其他人，我没他们那么厉害用手段。不然就是现在的男生没眼光.......哈哈，那我就不知道，也无法掌控。But whatever is it, 顺其自然吧，这四个字已挂在我嘴边几年了.....

Relax.....

最近，可能真的被stress effected，今天又做错事了，又是一个粗心的错误。Even APK 也察觉到我最近很不稳定，他还不停的给我鼓励，也关心我。我也不知道我为什么会那么粗心，看来我必须检讨检讨。明天就是appraisal了，看来我要准备应付他们的疑问了，还是别给自己那么多压力。

今天，发生一件很奇怪的事。平时要进公司时，如果我走得慢，前面那个人，不管是认知或不认识的，都不会hold着门等我。这次，我们公司的‘白马王子’尽然hold着门等我，还让我进先，我那时在想东西，也没想到他会等我，其实他还有说些东西，but我还很blur，脑里还在想着刚才的东西，结果只是一笑而过，也不好意思再问他。希望他没发觉我没在听吧........哈哈。嗨.......真的是blur到极点。

明天要清醒一点啊！

矛盾

很快的明天就要开工了，原本今晚要跟爸妈他们去喝喜酒，结果还是prefer呆在家里，我到底在干什么呢？为什么我一直把自己封闭呢？我也不知道我自己在想什么，真矛盾！

突然觉得明天好像有事情会发生，不是坏事，but感觉好像是我一直以来都在逃避的东西.....那就是爱情。希望我这次的知觉是错的吧。

一直以来，我都知道我这一生其实要好几次爱神已敲上门，结果还是因我心理的障碍，而放弃了这些机会。我根本就不敢想象将来会是怎么样，可能目前为止，还不清楚自己想要的是什么。想回去，之前有好几次，为了避免恋爱开始，我每次选择逃避.........我还记得Koh Soon有一次为了还我东西，追了我几次，捉到我时，他竟然告诉我说别再跑了.....放心吧我以后不会再烦你。其实我很对不起他，根本就不是他的错，是我自己的问题..........算了吧，都已两年了，我们碰见面几次都像陌生人一样。看来以后碰面也是一样吧.........

到现在其实我还是不知道我要什么，唯一肯定的是我现在只想concentrate在工作上，其他的事顺其自然吧，有些事要来挡也挡不住，不要来的硬硬避它来也没用.......

Stress

好不容易终于等到星期六了， 原本以为今天不用工作。But 是没可能的啦，发梦！Yuan Peng 好大胆，竟然告诉TL说不要来工作，因要去演唱会。他也是说得对，不然要浪费演唱会的票吗？！我呢，原本要去KLCC shopping个痛快的，怎知道听到公司的同事也打算去那儿，害到我不想去那儿碰见他们。结果还是跑回家了......

只觉得这样的生活好闷，就像没生活一样。很想找节目立刻发泄自己，这样下去我会因压力大而发狂。看来我需settle我工作上的压力before我可以move on with my life。还好我生活里还没有另一半，不然我一定会不小心拿他来出气。

But then 谁不怕寂寞呢？有时很想在人生低潮时，投进爱人的怀抱里，感觉一些人间温暖。这种天真的想法应该只会在我梦里发生吧！

Inner peace

Yesterday scolded by APK........but this time is really my mistake. May be all this stress has really effected me some how. Now I'm really confuse whether my judgement is correct or not. All this while I thought that I'm right........but this time I doubt. This weekend did review back what are the mistakes that I've done..........and trying to find out what's my problem. But still I don't know what should I do from now onwards........

Read an article today, regarding inner peace...........it's crucial to seek inner peace before searching for peace externally. May be now my inner peace isn't stable........

Here's a few tips from the article, hope to share with you:

• do things without expectation
• look forward and don't ponder on your past and regret
• need not to prove yourself right or others wrong as facts don't need proof
• don't interfere in other's business unless asked
• remove ill feelings inside our heart and mind
• don't be envious of other's success
• handle what you can and don't overload yourself.
• accept the fact that everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, which can also be valid
• respect yourself as a human being and give yourself a moment of peace
• be truthful to yourself and others.

All this seems so easy to be said but not easy to practice, but then it's worth the try as I have very high expectation on myself and I always like to prove that I'm right. Besides who's doesn't jealous of other ppl's success.........no wonder my inner peace were so disturb.

AAaaahhhhhhh..........

AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.................................

I just wanna shout my lungs out right now. Why I'm still in such a company? Why??? Not only I feel that I'm not appreciated, I even feel like a fool. All this while work so hard, but in the end, seems like nothing done.

Today they asked us to update our productivity record, they say only record those cases done during office hours, the rest all can't be included. They meant office hours which is 8.30am to 5.30pm...............I was thinking I stayed back so late trying to finish up as much cases as possible, I didn't even claim OT for that, meaning now I doing for nothing as it's not counted as it's out of office hours...........

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......................

By right everyone's productivity should be 100% and above, that's the minimal. Now mine only 95%.................I don't know what to say.............................these only shows that I'm not doing much work but the actual fact is I did more or even double of it. I only felt I wanna resign.........................All these wasn't what I really want.

Boring life....

Wishing you all the best........doesn't sound like it's meant for me. Likely is for someone that he cares from now onwards..........

Yesterday working over time again, just did what I'm suppose to do. At least I did manage to hit my daily target which is a good thing as others were desperately finding cases in order to hit the target. May be this is the tiny luck that I still have with me.

My brother took the car, so I walk to the nearest station to take the train. That walk is the longest walk...........eventhough I'm not walking alone, but my mind was not with them. This job, you come, open PC, work, work, work, then close PC and go home. This isn't really what I want..........I should really seek some interesting thing to do with my life besides working. Or else I'll really turn mad.

Going for a trip with my friends seems impossible as I'm really not good at planning trips, may be I should find some activites alone. At least I can do it whenever I want..........

Hhm.......learning some new skill like cooking??........reading Tarot card??..........shopping, haha this no need skill,only need money............may be I should see any charity org that needs volunteer...........this seems more better.

29th November 2007

This really wasn’t what I really want…….what do I want actually?

No one is talking thru their heart, that’s how I look at people nowadays. Am I being too depress to think like that? Or I’m just being realistic?

I really don’t understand, all of us working in the same company, all working towards one goal. Why there’s still competition between staff? Is that what they always call as ‘office politics’? Then I really know that I suck in this kind of politics and definitely not a good player.

Just now there’s been a heavy rain and the traffic was just ‘terrific’. So I stay put in office, trying to be a kind soul, clearing some cases without claiming money for OT. But seniors don’t want to let me do. OK I don’t mind, I did put an effort by asking work from them, so it’s not my problem. Anyone should be glad to have a staff like me, but not in this company.

After being in the actual work flow for 1 month, it doesn’t seem to satisfy me, it seems to frustrate me more. May be this work isn’t what I really want in life. I know I could survive here but then I might not be happily survived. May be I shouldn’t bother about those office politics and just create a world of own. Doing things that I’m happy at…….

Sorry...

What I was hoping for ? Lately been thinking why do I want to work so hard for ?

I already tried my best to get more case and to finish it on time. Yesterday manage to hit the daily target but today no enough case distributed, so I didn't hit my target and just went back. The weird thing is that the other junior manage to finish up so many case.......I wonder where did all those case come from........their team leader was the distributor.....is it that the team leader give priority to them first and make me wait for more case to come in? I don't know about that but I was hoping that I think too much. So among the juniors, it seems like I'm the worst in number of cases done. I already can picture what will happen during review........surely I need to explain why others manage to finish up so many cases while I only finish half of theirs.

I know that I'm better than them in terms of exposure as my case were never easy.......but performance were not measure by quality but more towards quantity. I wonder whether will I work long under this circumstances?? The only thing I feel bad right now is that I'm might drag my team down.......feel very sorry for them.

Extremely bad week for me

Monday.........today is the first day for my daily target increasing to 25 cases per day.......nearly took me til 6.30pm to finish all. Actually did deduct 6 cases from there due to low volume........if the volume were high, I might have to work til 8pm.

Tuesday..........today is the first day that I doing overtime even since my daily target increased. So total case I need to hit is 37. My OT was suppose to end on 7.30pm........but in order to hit my target, I was forced to work until 9pm. That moment, nearly everyone had already went back except for one senior who is so kind to wait for us. Actually I didn't really hit my target that day, I only did 31 case.......but I don't want to make the senior to stay overnight in the office just because of me.......I replace it tomorrow morning.

Wednesday........first time reach office at 7am......some other senior been asking me whether did I ever went back home yesterday........I just smile.......don't know what to answer them. So today no OT for me, I need to hit daily target 25 plus replacing yesterday's case 6, meaning total 31 case. Same amount with what I did yesterday.......but that inclusive my OT time. I wonder whether I can finish without staying back............but thank god the volume was low and we are allowed to deduct 6 cases, so I manage to hit the target and go home 6pm. I being too happy too early. My bro came and fetch me........after driving for few metres away from my company, the car suddenly shake so vigourously, then in the end broke down in the middle of the road. That time was extremely jam........all the cars were so inconsiderate to horn at us non-stop, what they want us to do?? We already unable to start the engine and the bonet there were smokes coming out from it...........luckily I didn't panic and asked my bro to help to push the car while I steer the car to one side. Imagine I'm wearing heals, pushing the car and the same time control the steering. Not a good sight at all.........somemore is near my company and in the middle of jam........I wonder how 'famous' I could get from all these. But the thing that make me sad is that none came and help us..........everyone is so selfish........all they do is just look.....some even worse horn at us..........reminds me how cruel this world can be at times.

Thursday..........physically and mentally drained due to so much incident happened.......couldn't take it anymore. I just did my daily 25 cases...........the volume was low again and I don't care whether they allow us to deduct or not, I just deduct on my own and went back on time. I already try my best to did as much as I can........but my cases weren't so easy.......most of the time involves a lot of problem. I heard a lot of rumours saying how slow I process my cases.............I really hate it when ppl misunderstood me when they don't know the actual truth. But anyway, I couldn't care anymore. I did tried my best.

Friday.........finally is the last day of weekday. This day seems like a long day for me. At the end of the day, I was told that I'm required to come on Saturday. Actually they give me a choice either OT today or come tomorrow. I know I'm already very exhausted, so I choose to come on Sat.

Saturday.............went to work by driving my mom's car due to my bro's car need to be send to the mechanic today. Luckily I can adapt to different car easily.........but when my mom car shake slightly......sort of reminds me of the breakdown......the whole journey I was praying god don't play a fool with me. Thank god I can reach safely........must be thinking too much. I finish my work around 2pm so went for lunch with my collegue. Both of us thought of getting something nice to eat just to make ourselves feel better after a rough week. To my dismay is that, I went to Hapen and just order fish and chips...........after 45 minutes, my order still haven come !!! I already scolded the waiter few times........then only he came and told me that actually they didn't know out of fish just now, so now stil need 20 minutes......he asking we all whether do we still want to wait. My collegue got so mad that she scold the waiter and asked for the boss........'tell your boss.......what else can we do besides waiting 20 minutes.......we already waiting 45 minutes and now only you tell this........ask your boss what else he can recommend us to do beside wait 20 minutes ?!?!'. My collegue was having a bad week like me as well.........so both of us release all our anger on this pity waiter.......the boss is like a chicken, standing at the counter there dare not to come close to us. Both of us were too fed up.........I think our 'aura' really spread wide that the whole restaurant seems to be afraid of both of us. So finally I got my fish and chips at nearly 3.30pm..........the boss finally dare to come and serving us free desserts and free top up for drinks as well.........actually he also did give an extra piece of fish. I already speechless..........all I can only do is just stare at the boss.........but I think that should be scary enough.......haha. Finally finished our so call lunch at 4 something...........both of us just went back home, too tired with all these.

Sunday.........finally a day to rest..........this morning while playing with my dog........suddenly heard a 'pisssss.....' sound, it's quite loud. So I was searching where the sound came from........and you'll be very suprise what I found. The sound actually came from my mom's car........it's her tyre......it suddenly got puncture..........I was thinking luckily it didn't puncture yesterday while I was using it. Or else I sure have car breakdown phobia...........

So now I'm quite afraid.........afraid what is ahead of me this coming week..........God pls protect me!!!!

Is it due to my EQ ??

Wah......what a busy and tiring week.......thank god is saturday today. When it's busy, time seems to pass by very quickly.......yesterday I wasn't aware that is already Friday. Work maniac........

This week the cases can go from extremely difficult to very damn easy........luckily PY was there to help me out. I was so afraid that she'll be on MC, then I'm sure will be dead meat. In the office, I felt my relationship with collegue wasn't that close yet. Everytime I having some problem, I only seek advice from PY as she's sitting next to me. Actually I did try to message other senior........but to my disappointment, they seem to ignore my message most of the time or sometime reply my message half an hour later. Ok may be they are really busy and didn't notice my message, that's what I always think.........positive rite. Or may be my EQ really sucks..........

I can't believe what I'm doing right now.......I'm actually looking for books to improve my EQ, even searching for dummies guide. Am I really that desperate?? Hhmm......I also don't know what I'm thinking right now.

Thinking too much

Haha......my new hairstyle. Ok some of my collegue were shocked and asked me what happen.........asking my izzit I just broke up with my boy friend. Haha.....how I broke up when I don't even have someone to break with. I just smile, lazy to answer all these non-sense. Some said I look young........I interpret it as childish. Actually with my old hairstyle, someone had already thought that I'm 17. Now with this new hairstyle, I think maybe I look around 13-14. Hhmm.......isn't it weird to see a teenage gal wearing OL style going to work?? Haha.........no comment as long as I feel comfortable with it.

Recently also noted some of the guys collegue IM me in the office, one keep on bugging me to do OT, eventhough I said no a few times. Another one sending me someone's ID and password, I'm already very blur and confused, after clarify with him, it's just a mistake, he send wrong message to the wrong ppl. He thought that the ID is mine and what a weird password he put there, 'bearbear'. He's quite a serious guy, last time my friend asked him to reset her ID password and he gave 'smartXXX' but now 'bearbear'. I somehow thought that he trying to make fun of me or something. May be I really think too much.

My company is organising an outing next year, but need to register now. It's a 2 days 1 night trip, so 2 ppl will be sharing a room. So suprise that so many ppl asked me to be her roommate. Actually I haven't really thought about the trip due to too busy with the work, since they asked me about it, so I agree to go. The company dinner will be held during that trip as well........suddenly feel very excited about it. May be because it's a company outing which means the whole company will participate, which also means that he might go as well. Haha........I really thinking too much lately. Trying to make the impossible possible.

....

All I'm asking is just a normal happy family. But it's too much for the god to give me. After a whole day work, thought of seeking some warmth or some happiness from home. But it seems like impossible for me......to create a quiet and peaceful place also need so much effort.

I'm tired......tired of trying to hold things all together.....tired of making the impossible possible.....tired of making all the sacrifice that go down the drain afterwards........

Sometimes how I wish I could tell someone all these.......just lend me a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on........but I know is impossible. I was not born to be strong.........but I was force to become strong.

Planning for 2008

Sometimes I really don't understand how a person thinks........eventhough I have known him for 20 years. Now only I knew his actual self........really took some time for me to digest it. But then it's better to know now than to know it another 20 years later.

I have just got my authority recently which I didn't expected to be so quick.......May be haven't get use to it yet, did some mistake last few days. Hopefully from tomorrow onwards, less mistake and more efficient......I use too much time on one case. This weekend had did some revising.......trying to refresh my mind on what have I learnt during this training and to apply it on my work. Imagine to cram 5 mths training into my head in just 2 days. But at least I now still manage to settle most of it already..........only afraid that I'll forget after a good night sleep........lol.

Now is November.......time really pass by too fast. Another 2 more mths, will be a brand new year. This year a lot changes in me.......there's some things that I had been holding on it for too long and it's time to let it go. Currently main focus in on work............and trying to open myself to opportunities.........this part I need more time. So I did manage to clear some of my 2007 new year resolutions...........I think should start planning for 2008.

The true side....

This week did quite a lot of birthday celebration for collegue........suddenly reminds me of those sad birthday moments........I hardly look up for birthdays since then, especially my own. I think in this world, I'm the only one that wish that no one will ever remember my birthday. May be I could learn from my trainer to take leave on that day..........

My trainer have been going overseas for training.......just only come back on tuesday. When most of the trainee left after work that day, only left me the only junior there and the rest are seniors because I'm waiting for my friend. What suprise me is that my trainer thought that I'm going to stay back late, so he distributed the souvenir that he bought during training because he's rushing back home as well. When he reach my area, he skip thru me, only pass the souvenir to those senior sitting beside me. Actually, I really felt very embarrassing that time, I just quickly pack my things and leave the office as soon as possible. Feeling a bit angry the same time actually.Eventhough my friend haven't come yet but I just felt like wanna leave that place quickly.

While waiting at the lobby, I was thinking for myself. All these anger is unnecessary if he doesn't feel guilty for what he had done. It had also let me see clearly the other view of his true nature. I just feel bad for the rest of the trainees because none of them knew about this and I don't like to talk bad about ppl and spread what ever that happen that day. All of them still eager to celebrate the trainer's birthday that coming friday. Hope that it'll increase his guilt feeling.

God always let me see clearly everyone's true nature......really thankful for that. At least I won't be so innocently worship some ppl that I thought is a good leader.

Miserable

This lately my blood pressure really going to raise like mad........don't worry it's not hypertension. It's just that certain ppl were making my life miserable.

Last week a new worker come, and of course I have to be the one to teach her all the things because no one else wanted to teach her. So of course I'll be teaching her things that I practice all these while.........then after finish explaining everything from A-Z, here come these ppl come and complain about this and that, so making her more confuse. It's not only her, I myself also confuse.........so I don't wanna bother about it anymore, as long as I did my part, whether right or not according to some ppl I also not going to bother about it. Going to use the 'I don't care' attitude.....or else later i really end up having hypertension......touch wood.

Today had a review with our CEO, of course it's such a waste of time......but then still have to listen to their boring presentation. In the hall, I know I'm searching for someone..........but what am I hoping for ?? Of course I saw him but then what I get from all these?? Only disappointment.......eventhough we meet again at lif while on the way back, but I look like invisible woman, he just look thru me and talk to the staff behind me.

Why I always fall so easily for someone?? A big lesson in the past doesn't seems to be effective to make me aware of the same mistake I going to repeat. Is there anyway that I could really make this 'love' thingy to be out of my life forever??

Miserable

This lately my blood pressure really going to raise like mad........don't worry it's not hypertension. It's just that certain ppl were making my life miserable.

Last week a new worker come, and of course I have to be the one to teach her all the things because no one else wanted to teach her. So of course I'll be teaching her things that I practice all these while.........then after finish explaining everything from A-Z, here come these ppl come and complain about this and that, so making her more confuse. It's not only her, I myself also confuse.........so I don't wanna bother about it anymore, as long as I did my part, whether right or not according to some ppl I also not going to bother about it. Going to use the 'I don't care' attitude.....or else later i really end up having hypertension......touch wood.

Today had a review with our CEO, of course it's such a waste of time......but then still have to listen to their boring presentation. In the hall, I know I'm searching for someone..........but what am I hoping for ?? Of course I saw him but then what I get from all these?? Only disappointment.......eventhough we meet again at lif while on the way back, but I look like invisible woman, he just look thru me and talk to the staff behind me.

Why I always fall so easily for someone?? A big lesson in the past doesn't seems to be effective to make me aware of the same mistake I going to repeat. Is there anyway that I could really make this 'love' thingy to be out of my life forever??

Miserable

This lately my blood pressure really going to raise like mad........don't worry it's not hypertension. It's just that certain ppl were making my life miserable.

Last week a new worker come, and of course I have to be the one to teach her all the things because no one else wanted to teach her. So of course I'll be teaching her things that I practice all these while.........then after finish explaining everything from A-Z, here come these ppl come and complain about this and that, so making her more confuse. It's not only her, I myself also confuse.........so I don't wanna bother about it anymore, as long as I did my part, whether right or not according to some ppl I also not going to bother about it. Going to use the 'I don't care' attitude.....or else later i really end up having hypertension......touch wood.

Today had a review with our CEO, of course it's such a waste of time......but then still have to listen to their boring presentation. In the hall, I know I'm searching for someone..........but what am I hoping for ?? Of course I saw him but then what I get from all these?? Only disappointment.......eventhough we meet again at lif while on the way back, but I look like invisible woman, he just look thru me and talk to the staff behind me.

Why I always fall so easily for someone?? A big lesson in the past doesn't seems to be effective to make me aware of the same mistake I going to repeat. Is there anyway that I could really make this 'love' thingy to be out of my life forever??

Severe Communication Breakdown

Lately couldn't think what to update here.....a lot had happen but don't know where to start. Now is Hari Raya celebration, I took one day off last friday just to clear my leave........actually to clear my head as well.

I don't know why a lot ppl always misunderstood me, I'm already tired of straighten things up. Is it that I'm passing the wrong message around?? Eventhough I hardly express myself??
Another problem is that I always have communication breakdown......I wonder is it me or the opposite ppl getting it wrong. Besides, some also hardly listens to me especially whenever I speak to Joe Ann, I noted that I haven't even finish 10% of what I wanted to say but she already not listening. I also felt stupid to even continue to talk to her......Lesson no. 1: I should only speak to ppl that really wanted to listen to me.

Then during lunch, some of my collegue asked me something, I haven't got the chance to answer, someone 'kindly' had already answer for me. When I wanted to defend myself on that someone's statement, it make me look more bad and rude. Lesson no. 2: The best to do during moments like this is to just smile and continue eating your lunch. Who bothers what you going to say......

Then on friday, my dad mention that wanted to go to my uncle's house for dinner. But I don't feel like going, besides I need to fetch my bro later. But he insist to want me to go by saying that he'll pick him up on the way there. So he called up my bro, suprisingly saying that I'll go fetch him later. Ok which part of the conversation did I miss?? So I end up back at home and waiting for my bro. Lesson no. 3: Always insist to do things your own way which is always the best way.

Talking about communication breakdown.......even talking in the same language something like this will definitely occur. Sometimes I wish that I was a baby back then, at least someone can got it right what I actually wanted.

No Pain No Gain

No Pain No Gain… Accept the Pain, Future will be Fruitful…

Don't feel the work you are doing is pain, because there will be always a reason for that pain or work.

So face the pain, for the pain you face, there will be definitely happiness a head.

AL tomorrow.....yeah

Finally it's thursday.......mostly ppl looking forward to fridays. For me this week is different, because I on leave again this friday. Haha.......this weekend is Hari Raya, so monday is replacement holiday, so meaning I have a continuous 4 days break. So happy about it.......

Most ppl surely will go back to their hometown, but for me who is born and staying at 'hometown' now, there's not much travelling needed. Actually really admire those staying else where......at least can be out of this busy city and enjoy a peaceful rest with clean air and nice scenery.

This few days, too 'lucky' to have 'interesting' case needed to do, my coutersigner really going to 'love' me for it.......haha. But actually it's a good exposure for me, to let me try out so many different type of cases before release into actual workflow. So she will be celebrating tomorrow as I'm not around to bring her 'good luck'......lol.

Yesterday went to Hapen Cafe for lunch, today went to Tai Thong.......don't know what's wrong with we all lately. Spending money as if more is dropping from sky.....Boon even busy taking all our single photo......he say is for our own good. I know what he had in mind, of course I'm not that interested.....may be is because his friends should be something like him. Haha.....he sure going to kick my a** for saying that.

No where is safe

Yesterday having terrible monday blues..........may be slept too much during weekends. Today felt much better.

Yesterday stay at office til 6 something due to the traffic jam, I prefer to stay and do some work than to waste time stuck in the car and not moving an inch. My trainer very suprise to see me still working.......he message me and told me that I can do it tomorrow and asked me to go back. Hahaha.........I think he's the only trainer that don't allow trainee to stay back so late. Actually is quite true, it's no longer that safe here, especially at night for a girl to walk alone to the parking lot and drive. But then I don't have other choice as none of my collegue stay near my area, so it's really quite hard for me to actually find someone to car pool with. So what I could do is just try to park somewhere safer and make sure that wherever I go is safe.

Since I'm a local here......born and live here for my whole life......I know when and where I should be alert. Sometimes situation will force us to be independent and mature........depends on how much exposure you encouter. I still remember once during schooling time, I walk back by myself and an Indian guy riding a bicycle nearly molest me.......luckily I dodge in time......I couldn't imagine anything worse can happen. I have no other choice to use other alternative as that route is the only way to go back my place......the only thing I could do is be alert and pray god I won't see him again. But luckily I really never saw him again..........whenever drove pass that area, it'll always remind me to be alert always.

Actually I even thought of getting a bf to accompany me that time.......haha so immature thought. Nowadays, it's not that easy to find someone that really care about you that much.........so like what I always say it's better to depend on yourself.

Gosh....

Friday took one day off.....just to clear my leave. It's damn boring for me to stay at home but then I have no other plans as my friends were all busy working. So I just stay at home helping out a little but most of the time is just taking nap......lol.

So now I'm having headache......may be slept too much. Serves me right.......hopefully it'll go off tomorrow.

Sedentary lifestyle doesn't really suit me......may be I worry too much about my work that causes the headache. Tomorrow will be a very long day......I think better bring some panadol just in case.

Common sense ppl !!!

Yesterday, suddenly Boon invite me into chat room........at first I thought is about the Cameron trip that he mention 2 weeks ago. But actually it isn't..........it's about Lily's birthday which is at end of this month. So they were discussing about the present for her.Actually they had already decided what to buy before inviting me into the conversation.........now they invite me just asking to share.

What really shocking me is the present they decide to buy for her..........it's the Bioessense eye bag vanishing serum.

Isn't it weird to buy that as someone's present?? So as usual I become the bad person..........I disagree to buy that for her. I know that Joe Ann also disagree with that, but of course she pretended don't mind about it. Lin said that Lily wanted that and asked her where could she get that...........

I know she wanted that .......... isn't it better that she bought it herself all these skin product ?? Besides, if we bought for her........it's like all of us knew that she have terrible eye bags.

I really don't know what is on their mind sometimes........don't they have common sense ??

Starting my engine......picking up quite slow

There's this guy which I think started work recently.........his looks remind me of my project supervisor during uni time, Dr Cheah. He doesn't really look like him.......but then I don't know why it always link back to him in my mind. I bump into this guy quite a lot times during this two days.......ya only 2 days no matter in or out of the company building. Both of us in different floor.......but I don't know why always bump into him. Every time saw him only reminds me of how bad my project supervisor treat me back then........hopefully I won't meet him tomorrow onwards.

Today finally did our medical assessment and I scored 92%.......haha so happy. Finally that's the last test that we needed to do.......so now onwards only need to concentrate on the cases. Bin gave us try the medical cases from today onwards......due to the limited cases available......all of us only have .........1 case each.........haha. But mine is very damn difficult..........first I need to update the data that the data entry staff left out........so weird......how can they miss out such a big portion. It's also a good practice to polish my data entry skill......lol. Then the hardest part come into picture.........the medical part. Took me nearly 1 hour to process that case. May be I too long didn't do case..........so picking up very slow :P

Wedding bells

Ding dong.........wedding bells ringing.........haha of course is not my wedding......how could I get married when I'm still single now......lol

Actually is my superior's........today she show us her wedding photo.......all taken so nice and sweet. This is the day when the gals will look the best in their lifetime.

Of course like others.......my heart is itching but then could only hope on fate........

Gambate

Hhmm.....lately something wrong with the modem. But now is working well........nearly couldn't live without internet........haha actually not that serious........lol. But manage to settle a few stuff with all those free time other than sitting in front of the pc.

Oh ya.....to update latest happening. Last saturday was my first working day during weekends.......not as exciting that I thought it will be. Instead, I nearly bored to death.........this month end very few case come in. That day I only did 4 case.......yes is only 4, normal day should be 168 cases.......but luckily I still can claim plus lunch is provided. This 4 case is really worth more than it should be.......haha.

Joe Ann also come to work as well that weekend.......but what I don't understand is that she can drive all by herself and not fetching her friend who is living in the same condo and working at the same place and time. I don't know what is in her mind, but one thing I know is that she's really not a good friend. I just pity her friend who have to walk a distance before taking a bus to reach the office alone. Ever since enter this company, I just felt that more of her ugly sides reveal.......I think I should really stay a distance away from her, as I also not sure whether I was treated as a 'friend' or not. I don't think she even need me as she has Boon and Peng........I wonder when only they'll see her true side. But then it's none of my business..........haha.

This wednesday have a medical test............I need to study for it as I don't think I'm that lucky to have anyone to help me. May be Joe Ann will suddenly remember me as I was useful to her for the test.........but then of course she has to beg me first........haha.

Working on sat.......yeah

Lately busy with work.......actually not really that much work. It's just that the traffic jam is making it worse........by time I reach home I'm already exhausted.

This week is quite tough for me.......may be it's not that easy to be confident the whole 24 hours. Too much things occur out of my control......everything didn't go as well as I expect it would be. It's so hard to even maintain a smile on your face when everything come crashing down......

At first I thought I was going to do OT for this coming Saturday and Sunday....yes sat and sun. As it's the 3rd quarter closing......so thought that finally able to get a taste of how OT feels like......haha. Surely a lot ppl scolding me by now.......must thought that I'm not thinking right......

But very suprise is that Bin told us that we don't have to come on Sun as there might be very few case this time. Even those who are suppose to stay today also didn't have to stay back.

Haha.....never talk about ppl no matter day or night.....just now my trainer sms me to go back work tomorrow. Looks like I finally have a taste of working during rest day.....haha. But got the feeling that it might be half day only......I wonder my sixth sense still works or not. Hhmm......tomorrow we'll know.

Very excited about tomorrow......may be it's a good opportunity to show my capability.

Be Confident!

Today finally saw Wai in the office but seems like he notice my friend more than me. Of course, I only knew him like for only less than 1 hour if you add up the conversation time.

What the heck.......May be I was hoping the one that being notice is me. Never mind......as I know what material I'm made from. I also putting too high hopes for the impossible. Never mind as long as he knew that I'm part of his collegue should be enough. I couldn't hope more....

This week I did change my attitude and felt more confidence. It even effect those beside me. Usually no one really talks to me but today even the ego Boon also take initiative asking me to join a trip to Cameron on next Friday. Of course I'm delighted with these changes in such a short period.

So I'm going to built more confidence in myself, as this few years too much incident have bring it down. Go girl !!!

Controlling

Usually I very afraird to go out and hang out with my friends, just because that my grandmother restrict me from that. Yes.....it's my grandmother, as my parents are not a control freak like my grandmother.

So I'm the very well known faithful girl back then, thanks to my grandmother. But nowadays, I don't bother about it anymore, it's not that my grandmother pass away or what, she's still very healthy and conscious for a 80 year old lady. It just that I need to socialise......I'm not young anymore.....this is one point that my grandmother doesn't seem to understand. One of the reason why my 27 year old brother still single and never had a girl friend before is that he's also under my grandmother's "control". Funny thing is that my grandmother asking him why doesn't have a girl friend.....duhh. How was he going to meet ppl when at home there's a control freak that restrict from going out besides going to work.

I don't want to be like that and most importantly is that I really hate being locked up. I'll do anything just only to be set free. Suddenly remind me back in primary school, there's a class trip to Langkawi, and I was only 10 years old back then. My good friend going to the trip also......so like any normal kid, of course I'm dying to go as well. So I beg my dad to let me go........my grandma 100% don't want to let me go may be I'm too small that time.....I don't even bother about her.......haha. I beg, I refuse to eat and then I use my secret weapon - my tears. My dad always have a soft spot for that......and then he finally agreed. Haha...... when think back, I felt very funny. I'm really quite brave back then.

I know that my grandmother stops us from hanging out too much is fear that we might mix with bad people and got influenced by them. But most importantly is that she worry about our safety as the world is not so safe anymore. I'm a grown up now, I know the limitation and I always inform them where and who I hanging out with. May be her traditional thoughts is that girls are safer to stay at home, little that she know that nowadays girls are more independent and protective of herself.........from simple pepper spray to taekwando. I think I should really find a day to brainwash her with all this........haha.

But today I really enjoy my outing with Yeen, Peng and Ling. I think that's the last time I'm going to eat a 'all you can eat' sushi set............my stomach til now is still very bloated. It almost feel like being pregnant.......haha. I think by eating something you like is one of the way to release stress......so long didn't really eat this full.........but I think need to control my diet and exercise a bit from today onwards.....haha. Please don't invite me to any sushi shop this few weeks as I might have temporary phobias.......lol.

Where you belong?

Hhmm........may be fooling your mind is a good way to actually think positively. I use to be very sad if people tend to forget me in doing things.....no matter it's a big thingy or small thingy.....my heart is just itching to be part of it.

Nowadays, I know that no matter how hard I force them to include me........there will always be a moment where they definitely will forget me completely......so what the heck that I trouble myself so much. Since they have forgotten me, I should just be happy about it, why should I bother as they are the one to supposed to feel bad for leaving me out again. It's not that I could die just because they left me out, I'm stil breathing and alive.......plus I'm not that desperate to be with them. They left me out is their lost.......

So lately I really enjoy myself a lot.......with all sorts of people that I mix with. I don't belong to anyone or any group.......I belong to myself.

明明很爱你

有多少人在旁边
我们都视而不见
彼此却忍不住地看几眼
感觉强烈

一句微笑的方便
已经暗示到极限
没勇气的人犹豫的瞬间
幸福就飘过面前

我平凡无奇
而你像灿烂星星
让我担心

明明很爱你
明明想靠近
但是你的身边有人捧花总是拥挤
我凭什么一一打败情敌
敢大声说要做你(我)的唯一

明明很爱你
明明想靠近
为什么还要再浪费时间不把你(我)抱紧
攻真心才是最厉害的武器
我会拼命让你更满意

讲配不配太俗气
说爱不爱要问起
爱由我们自己决定
不必理跌破谁的眼镜

有多少人在旁边
我们都视而不见
彼此却忍不奏看几眼
感觉强烈

已经微笑地放电
已经暗示到极限
没勇气的人犹豫的瞬间
幸福就飘过面前

我平凡无奇
而你像灿烂星星
让我担心

Oversensitive??

Am I missing something here? Am I oversensitive? I also not that sure.........

I notice that everytime Hong pass by my place, he seems like looking at me to see whether I'm looking at him too. But when our eyes contact, both of us just shy away......

Today, when I went to pantry for lunch, as I bring my own food from home.......he was there. I thought he was waiting for the microwave that I'm using because he's standing there. So I quickly take it out when it's time, but suprisingly he's actually using the other microwave but I don't know why he have to wait there as he's one is few more minutes to go.

So I just went to my group's usual table and have a game of foosball while waiting for the rest of my member. Then he come near to one of table there and looking at me and my friend playing the foosball. But then later he move to another table to join another collegue who's having lunch there also.

I also not sure whether all these are just false alarm.......but it has been going on ever since I move my place near to his area which is more than a month ago.........may be I'm oversensitive.

Fate

It's very funny how things goes in life......sometimes it seems like it's fate that things to be that way.

When I firstly got this current office job........my heart had always been towards the research and lab side. But all my offer letter for those field doesn't seem to reach that company......lol. So here I was still sticking to the office job which I don't really like that time but then it doesn't mean I like it now. May be what I like is its high pay......haha.

But I'm doing quite well in this current job, which is really a suprise for me. My coursemate, Ann, who had always wanted this kind of job and now in the same company with me, didn't do that well. I think the secret is no matter what field are you in, whether you like it or not, as long as you tried your best, success will come along eventhough you didn't ask for it.......haha my motto.

Now I'm quite popular in the company, thanks to my 'promoter', Bin, my trainer for keep on keep me busy with lots of work and doing free ad for me during training......lol. I think I'll still stick to this job unless I'm beginning to hate money.......haha which is impossible.

Seems like this is my very first blog here........I have already closed down a lots of my other blogs due to the rumours that I spread in my blog. Free advertisement for them ya........haha better warn everyone don't mess up my life.

So now I'm trying to get a hang on this one......likely no one's really interested to look at newbie's blog yet. But I'll improve on that..........watch me.........muahahaha...........sound so evil.