With my new hairstyle, learned another lesson today......

First person saw me, likes my hairstyle a lot......it makes me look more brighter and cheerful, suits me as well. Makes her wanted to cut short as well.

Second person who is also my schoolmate buddy, suprise to see me cut this short. Concern by asking me are you ok? What make you so stress til to decide cut this short?

Third person ask me why the colour is not dye evenly?

Fourth person ask did you do rebonding as well? How come u copy XXX hairstyle? Are you trying to be like her??

Fifth person just comment 'oh you cut your hair short', continue looking and looking with envy but didn't comment further.

Sixth person just look at me and showing me thumbs up plus a wink as well.

Most just look and comment between each other, so for those I couldn't further elaborate here.

With all these comments, it shows how different everyone view on every single details. Some will concentrate on the bad things, some on the good side, some will view the overall picture, some will concentrate on minor issues, some will keep to themselves and not to comment at all, some will think whether is it applicable to herself or himself.........lots of different different view on a simple thing such as my new hairstyle.

So can you imagine what will happen on bigger issues?? Then how everyone will handle each and every opinion or critics?? Can you bare the consequences for each major step you made??

As for this minor issue of mine, my new hairstyle.......of course I'm happy that some like it, whereas for those who critic, can only say 'Hey, no one is perfect.....even hairstylist do make mistake sometimes'. But most importantly, it's my hair and I like my new hairstyle whether you like it or not........who cares.......

把长发剪短了，希望运气也会变好，不好的就让它像那些已剪了的头发那样，一去不回头.......

很快的2008 年就剩20多天，圣诞节剩两星期多........今年我已获得了很多，也学到的很多事......我应该很开心，虽然这些事大多数都是痛苦的，但我相信吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。总有一天，许多好事会发生在我身上，只是时机没到。

今天，又下起大雨了......为了不想塞在路上就呆在公司做多点东西。越来越夜了，同事一个一个的走了......也没人问我为什么那么迟回，也没人理会我是不是单独一个拿车。

这公司的同事真的每个都那么冷血吗？真的对他们全部彻底失望。原本以为我的team lead会是exceptional的那一位，怎知道他反而更加不理会，就算他的朋友有问他为什么你的member还没回，他也没理会。

难怪没人肯为这公司付出，因大部分的员工都是蒙着眼睛请回来的。算了吧，做好自己的本分就好，以后跳槽后不想与这公司的人有任何瓜葛。

今天有点不在状况，可能工作时间太久了......连续从24th一直到今天还没真正休息，还需忍受到这星期五.....

今天还被嫌弃罗嗦，真是好心找雷劈......算了啦，也不是第一次被人误会，懒得解释。以后不要出声最好......突然觉得人缘越来越差。

Suddenly this question pop out again.....yes I'm concern about my status but then what else could I do besides ignore it and concentrate on work instead? Yes I know I sound like no life, but what else could I do now? Post up my picture and asking for a relationship from the internet? To others, this may be one of the best way. However it's the boudaries within me that's so hard to over come. It's just that I don't trust love over the net.

Will there be love for me then if this continues? Or should I just concentrate work and earn more money to support my own life?

Love.....

Is a very weird thing....

Love hardly surrounds me, and I'm dying to get more love out from everyone.......eventhough there are moments I'm tired of looking for it. But then I will still looking for it after rest for a window period.....sometime end up giving more love to myself in a more pamper and materialise way.

Some people were just full of love from everyone, sometimes overflooded. Do they require to look for it? From my view is no, they seem to be having angel luck and cupid likes to knock on their door more than mine.

A few of these people when all of the sudden loss all their love in a very short period, they couldn't live a single second of their live without any love and will do anything just to get back, which includes their life as well. But is it love worth dying for ??

Concluded love is a very complex thing......no one could really understand how it works

Not sure whether my feelings were true but even if it's true, what could I do? Now actually I really can't differenciate whether do I really have feelings for him or I'm just being lonely for too long? May be I'm just thinking too much......should stop thinking anymore.

Today finally can rest.....eventhough the whole day I only manage to clear 9 case, but I don't even care. I had already did my best.....

Sometimes really don't understand what's the higher management is thinking.......am I worrying too much?? What's the use if I'm the only one worrying?? I just couldn't imagine what next week will be like.

By then, only miracle could help us.

Why sould I worry...

Appraisal just over few days ago, I guess it's quite shocking for everyone to see me in the room for 2 hours. When came out, everyone been asking me why so long. Of course I'm not telling them what's going on inside. I'm not like them, comment all the good stuff, saying how 'good' the superior management are. I just let it all out.....I trust my team leader wouldn't spread it to the other colleagues. But for my assistant manager, I doubt whether she'll keep it P&C (which she suppose to), but anyway I don't even bother. If she spread it all out to others, I could only say I won't respect her as a AM.

My leader is quite suprise to heard all those comment for me, I guess that I've been too quiet and just digest the whole problem myself whether I like it or not. Besides, can't blame him too because he's not around most of the time, not like my AM, just turn a deaf ear to whatever she knows. I don't like the way she do things, she told me it's a small matter. I'm not sure whether is it she have a very narrow mind, or I'm just thinking too much. But all these small matter collectively is the main cause for most of my friends to tender their resign letter in the first place. I guess that to hire new people and train all over again for a few months is easier for her than to keep potential staff back.

I know she's going to hate me more for this, I not going to bother whether these were going to affect my bonus. I know what am I made of, if she rate me badly I could only say sorry for the company for forcing another potential worker off to another company.

Currently the company is overflooded with cases, I'm now only waiting it to hit the threshold so that I could open the champagne to celebrate that we are all drowned.

De-stressing

Been quite some time abandoned this blog.... Been quite busy, may be overexhausted from everything that's going on in my life.....

Quite a lot has happen.....car broke down and went to work shop TWICE, not to mention purse was drained completely as well.....being sent to death at the main HQ for 1 wk and experience lots of culture shock......no one bothers to give me the award which I'm entitled for and I need to ask from them with a very thick face......work load increase but salary remains......going to lots of places like P.Ketam, Melaka........eating a lots of buffets but still healthy, not like some ppl suffer from terrible diarrhoe..........company flooded with cases but no one's doing it..........

All those bad experience, let it flow and I don't want to mention much about it ever again. Just hope for a better day from now onwards.......Currently de-stressing.........

心情最近很低落.......怕的就是这一天。原本昨晚打算去朋友家过夜，但临时改变主意。以为自己可以很勇敢面对，但到最后还是临时退缩。已有一年多了，我们已有那么久没见面了，上网看到对方也从不谈天了.......我真的以为时间可冲淡一切，但没想到一直以来，只是自己用工作来压抑自己，欺骗自己........

今天还是需要去面对这件事，已答应了我的朋友我会去的........我还有办法欺骗自己再做一场戏吗？我还有办法当着没事和活得很充实开心吗？

我真的需要勇气......

最近这几天又在忙于工作里，很多人请病假再加上已被批准放假的人，我们又得淹没在纸堆里埋头苦干........

公司还在忙着appraisal，奇怪的是我连schedule也没有，难道又被遗忘了？还是快被人给大信封了？之前，Coffee session with 老板，我也没被listed.......我应该开始担心吗？可能我不是那几位有potential的employee吧，很多事不需我加入。

彩虹

我很喜欢这首歌........静静的听它能让我暂时忘掉所有困在我脑海里的烦恼。虽然曲蛮伤感，但词很感人.........

Stress....

不知道为什么，心里很不好受，也没办法专心工作，今天的效率也特别慢........

今天也听见他们说去Kuantan，算了啦，也不是第一次被遗弃......我也不那么稀罕要去，如果被邀请一定是为了要我驾车载他的朋友，为何这么苦，自己找节目吧，多的是朋友.......又开心又享受。

我真的要release stress......太多东西out of control，我要学会放弃这些我无法控制的东西，有些事没人告诉我，就继续当不知道吧，管不了那么多。

Sh1t stress

Tired.....I tried my best to cover every single thing, but in the end, the final decision is not in my hands. I have to do extra work by keep on reminding some people to do what they are suppose to do. If any delay, who were to be blamed? Of course I'm the one because I'm junior. When someone else did wrong, who are the one to cover their @ss? Of course will be me again.

Junior is not define that way....besides no one should be even categories as junior after had been working for more than a year plus. What ever is it.....I really getting tired of it. From this moment on, I'm going to speak out every single thing that's on my mind, like it or not, I'm just being my ownself. I don't favour to polish superior's shoe nor sweet talk.......it's out of my job scope. Don't like it......fire me then.

Today went to main HQ after lunch, round the building twice and couldn't get a single parking and not to mention it's very jam as well. In the end, park in the building basement, just only be there for 3 hrs and it already cost me RM 11.50 and we can't even claim from office. Why not? Just because some people say so.....it's the most ridiculous thing, I come here for work and not for fun, the company couldn't afford to pay the RM 11.50 for 1 employee. Then what's the fuss of sending me here for?? When I was creating millions for the company, where the money went to??

Just not my day, crapping all this Sh1t here just to release some Sh1t stress........

Be alert!!!

Finally my manager has left.......in her farewell speech, she told my batch that happy or not, we all still have to work.......why not choose to be working happily? The only reaction I saw from the senior's face were why weren't we feel happy....... Only those who really care about us will know the reason why. And now one of those who care is leaving us already.

Don't worry boss, I will try my best to be happy. Who knows may be miracle might occur.......

Now it's Hari Raya, finally could have a very long rest after OT for nearly the whole month in September.

On the 30th, we work til 11.30pm. Heard news that one of the colleague from other department was stabbed at the car park opposite our office while he went to took his car around 8pm. He had already given everything he has, but the thief still stab him twice.....luckily it didn't hit any major organ. Just hope that he's fine now......

Can't really imagine what's wrong with all these people, why they still wanted to hurt people......luckily the female colleague who's with him that time was not harm. The day before, I even walked alone to the monorail station and passing by there. Luckily nothing happened........but I have no choice, the only thing I could do is be more careful and alert. Just hope that the police could check that area more often, not only during puasa time only.

Just a reminder to all, no matter where you are, make sure someone knows about it and be alert all the time......I'll be planning to get a pepper spray, I know it couldn't help much, at least it gives me time to make my escape if anything happens.

When someone asked me for advice on changing jobs, I can really easily tell them to think twice and to understand whether is this what they really want. Because in the end, they're the one making the change, not me. But when they asked me why did I still remain in my current job, despite all those seniority politics around that I hate so much.......few months back, I was stunned by that question because I myself don't even know why as it never cross my mind.

My whole family member and my close friends all use one common word to describe my job..........crazy............all of them had been asking me to change job everytime they heard stories from me. How am I able to resist all these without resigning?? I also don't know how did I manage it through........

May be I'm good in creating my own barrier in office, protecting myself from all those political issues. I did overheard things that I don't want to listen, I did see things which I don't want to look at..........may be it's just that I'm too good in selective deafness and selective blindness. My work wasn't to entertain people, especially people who have their nose hanging up high, sorry because my job description doesn't include that. Likely this's one of my way of surviving, they can choose either to take me or to fire me, I don't even bother about that as no matter what they choose, they are the one at the losing end, not me.

Yesterday, I finished my work 15 minutes earlier from the actual OT time, I just pack my stuff, close my PC and went off only. Others did look at me, they only saw I left early, but did they saw how early I came........so I'm not wrong. Sometimes I feel that I'm so damn stubborn......and it's the first time that I feeling so happy about being so stubborn like a cow. Moooooo..........

生活好无趣......可能只有我的才那么闷吧。人缘又差......虽然表面上好像无所谓，可惜骗了好多人.....都怪自己太会演了。人生就像一场戏，主角或配角或二打六.......就要看你如何带自己。有些人从头到尾都想成为主角，就拼命和不折手段，为了争取这重要的角色。我呢应该是完全相反的，我喜欢在圈外一旁观察一切，这种角度看东西，往往比任何人更清楚，不许为了某地位某利益虚假的过生活。难怪人缘会那么差.......

船到桥头自然直

又被通知要加班到8.30pm，平时回都有问题了，现在更迟........虽然已告诉了上司我的问题，我还offer to stay 到7.30pm without claim OT but 他们还是insist 要我呆到8.30pm，讲等于没讲。What is the logic? 难道我一个人影响有那么大？那一个小时难道我就会complete更多case吗？叫他们开少一些会议，少点拿non-work related task来做，其实根本就不用留到那么迟。

他们为了那RM3000，may be quite worth it if one of the staff was abducted while on the way back home，可能还可以当属金。算了啦，船到桥头自然直.......以前四岁时一个人在shopping complex走失了，也可以一个人在黑暗中安全走路回到家.......现在那么大，应该难不倒我。靠人不如靠己.........

Isn't it funny when 2 person staying in the same house, both of them went back to the same house everyday but never got to meet each other for few days?

He has already been back from out-station since Monday, I knew that by seeing his car in the porch. I went off to work quite early while he's sleeping as he's working hours is more flexible than mine. By the time I'm back at home, it's already 9pm, and he's not back yet as his car is not in the porch. Likely he'll be back when I'm already in my dreams. So this could go on and on til Saturday if I'm working on Saturday as well. Sometimes it could be worst that even weekends we won't see each other.

So when we meet each other, we sometime greets 'long time no see, how are you'. Jeez....sounds so funny. He's the first of all the housemate that I hardly meet for days by staying in the same house. At least, we had found something between both of our lives, workaholic......

又失眠了......这些压力真的太多了，连唯一最好的解压方法-睡觉，我都有困难。不想依赖药......

午餐时，平时当我们这些junior要订外卖时，一定会问整个department要不要一起订。昨天，听见那些senior有订外卖，我刚好坐在那附近听见，有个senior问到whether要参junior吗，只听见那senior答不要。

突然觉得我们好傻，我们为什么要对他们那么好呢？之从，两个Assistant Manager都走了后，升了这班人，我承认我从不看好他们，他们这样的态度更加证明了我没看错。再过几个星期，连唯一appreciate我们这班junior的Manager也要走了。真的是没眼看.....他们的leadership qualities......没字可形容。

最近，我想了很清楚，其实我是喜欢这份工，而是这些人导致我会那么犹豫，使我对这份工开始失去兴趣......我原本以为问题出在我身上，没想到和其他junior提起我心里的感觉时，他们全部都有同感呢。其实，我们全都不算junior了，我们已工作一年多了，最近还请了一大班新人，那些才算是junior。But anyway，我们永远都会被tag as junior。

现在，我只做好自己的本分，他们要如何折磨我也好，我也不理会，as long as 我完成我该做的事，准时回就好。最近也开始喜欢带耳机听歌while工作，不是压力大听歌解压，而是不想听到一些‘杂音’。真的工作会开心一些.......highly recommended。

换了新的发形，连续改变了好多事，全部都太突然了。工作上的突破最大，昨天被通知要做reopen的case，平时这个是比较experience的senior才会负责，很好奇为什么会给我做，到现在还是想不通。今天更刺激，authority已经上升了，薪水也升一点点，但工作却越来越多。现在，只知道很累，一下子开多事发生了。

至于感情和人缘，sigh......昨天突然他叫我转过来，就因要看我笑，我不知该如何反应，只是看着他，应该是傻眼的看着他，更尴尬的是其他人也听见，也傻眼的看着我们俩。我不想知道为什么，也不想再想了。

唯一失望的，应该是当他们打电话给其中一个也升authority的junior，想到自己没人恭喜，更没人分享这快乐.......sigh.......自己开心就好，我快乐吗？

昨天，得到一天的leave，就去整理我这凌乱的头发，平时太忙了，连好好照镜子的时间也没有，没想到自己的头发蛮吓人，身边的人也不告诉我，真糟糕！算了吧，头发是我的，又不是他们的，被嘲笑的人也是我，不是他们.......

最近的压力也太大了，生病了这么久，到现在还没恢复，葯也吃完了却还是伤风咳嗽。趁着假日，还是好好在家里休息养伤吧。发觉自己整天在折磨自己，再加上身边的人都是自私鬼，当然没人会理会我。咳，真的需要学会多爱惜自己.......自己不疼惜自己，怎么渴望有人会来照顾我呢.......

从星期一，一直工作至昨天星期日，每个人应该是在这国庆日里好好休息吧.......我而还在公司埋头苦干，其实星期三已开始病了，但为了公司就牺牲了健康，也不想在最重要时期请病假。公司里有没有人会appreciate我这样牺牲对我而言，已不重要了，因我这么做是对自己的工作负上应有的责任吧了。如果每个senior都肯这么做就好了.......

现在看到TI可以和senior相处得那么好，真让人羡慕。迟一些，WL, YW 和WC走了后，我应该是唯一与senior有很大距离的junior了。咳.....算了吧，我这人本来就是独来独往的，也无法期望些什么。

今天，虽然是假期，也没人约我出去。有时觉得自己很可怜，哥也忙去拍拖了，弟有时出街比我多呢，为什么我总是呆在家里的那个呢？只好在家里上网或翻开我的小说吧.......so pathetic。可能这也是一个好办法来训练我学习过好一个人的生活吧........

归属感

我已失去了，在公司永远被遗忘的那一位，在家里也快被赶出门了。我已没有那熟悉的归属感了.....突然身边全部都很陌生。难道真的需讨人喜欢才能生存吗？真的需违背自己心里的感受强迫自己做不像做的事，为了让别人接受你？

这世界太现实了.......时时要提醒自己不要成为他们的一分子，我要靠自己，靠自己的心血和实力，加油啊！

无药可救

当senior IM 我时，真的很开心，以为终于I'm part of the family 了。怎知道，其实是被利用，要我问我邻居的生日日期，我一直追问为什么要知道，都不肯说真话。到最后，原来只不过想知道他们是不是这个月生日，因打算集体吹生日蛋糕。难道，这么简单的问题，也要那么鬼鬼祟祟吗？我与 senior 那个 gap 不管我如何弥补，我都觉得白费工夫，我不应该那么天真，盼望奇迹会发生，除非太阳可从西边升起吧。

Day dream too much

Today finally went back to work after rested so many days.......at first thought that will heard some considerate concerns from some people, instead all I heard was laughter. I really day dreamed too much, hoping too much for the impossible to happen.

Am I feeling heart broken now?? Why do I have such feeling?? May be it's just a mixture of disappointment and sadness.

Already been having headaches since this morning, I guess it's really time to stop all these.

Biten...

Yesterday night biten by my own dog..........he's in the middle of a fight with another dog. I afraid that he'll get injured thus I drag his chain to seperate them apart, in the end, he bite me and I fell on the ground. He still biting my elbow eventhough I tried to push him away........after strunggling few minutes I think......he finally aware that he's biting his own owner and he just walk away to a corner.

I'm shocked to see my hand bleeding........my family not aware what was happening outside until I enter the hall with blood all over my sleeve and hand. I don't want what to say.....still in a mist of shock......only went directly to the wash room to wash off my wound. The pain and all the questioning from my family triggered my tears.......even a simple question whether am I in pain......I couldn't even answer. They send me to the hospital directly to get the injection as it's already 10pm likely every clinic is closed already. So late already but still a lot ppl waiting at the A&E.......my number is just only 7 digit away but there's only one doctor on duty, so nearly took me forever to wait. They gave me the tetanus jab first while waiting......afraid that I'll having stiffness etc. But my wound is still bleeding......the tissue I use already full of blood. The people overthere thought I just had an accident......but still I'm waiting in line for my number. Jeez private hospital were as slow as the government's.......should be much more slower than the gov........

Finally, saw the doc, took my medication......it's already 12am. One trip like this already cost me RM 140++, hopefully my company will reimburse the bill. The doc gave me 3 days off..........3 days........the first thing on my mind is work. Surely my colleagues were going to have their say again........our company already flooded with so many pending case and now I'm off for 3 days til next week. My mom scolded me "Don't bother about them, you didn't force the doc to gave you 3 days MC. Just take your rest!". Yeah......she's right. I should put myself in first priority, not my job. Besides, yesterday night didn't really sleep well. My wound still bleeding and swell, damn painful. Luckily it's only on my right hand, not both.

As for my dog, I think he also felt guilty as he's looking at me with that guilty look. No matter what, punishment will postpone til I'm fully recovered. Weird that people have dog phobia after being biten........may be it's because I'm a dog lover in the first place.

Ok better have my rest now.......feeling slight dizzy already, may be it's the antibiotics. Jeez......another boring weekend at home again. This time really have to stay at home.......

累

最近，心里很累。不想再想那些事了，想了也不会有任何改变。单方面的改变起不了很大的作用，还是实际一点赚多一点钱吧。

心里的恐惧

最近，心里一直胡思乱想，之从training那一个星期，他对我那么好，让我觉得不自在，也很害怕。平时，我都是第一个来到公司，他呢平时都是最迟的那个.........星期一那天早上，我真的被吓到.......他竟然第二个到公司，我有问他为什么，但他也没答我，我也不问下去了。其实我根本不想知道，但以同事的份上，我是应该问的。还好接下来那几天他恢复正常了，都是迟到的那位。我就放心一些......之少可避免早上只有我和他那种尴尬的情况。

这几天，其实我尽量避开他，有什么公事都传达其他人告诉他.......如果必不得已，我对他的语气都瞒差......前几天，为了和他讨论公事，他不但还不明白，还把我搞到快要气死和吐血........嗨，也不是他的错，只是我不想和他对话太久，东西解释得太简陋搞到他不明白。还好昨天他没来工作，之少有什么事，我可以找其他人。

其实，今天有insurance walk，我的朋友都放飞机了，所以我也没去。原本我无所谓一个人去，但我不想见到他，还是呆在家里最好。

Bon Odori

Yesterday went to Bon Odori. It's the 32nd time it is held in Malaysia.....always heard of it but never really went there before. So since I'm so bored at home yesterday, may be hardly have so much time at home especially on a Saturday where I usually end up in the office. Over there full of foods which are suppose to be from Japan, but to me it taste more like normal malaysian food except for the sushi which is still made by malaysian. Anyway the vendor over there should be making quite a lot of money as the foods are pricy. Might thought of next year pretend as japanese and set up a booth......might earn more than my OT. Lol.......

Back to the festive, there's the famous cultural dance.....everyone seem to enjoy it very much. The crowd also tremendous.......I know the Japanese came is due to the meaning of this festive but the others? May be just like me.......to get to know what this festive means. But til now, don't really get it. May be the Malaysia version doesn't really achieve its original purposes. If have the chance to go to Japan, I think it should feel better than this. Noted some dress up as Cosplay characters, which is even more out of topic. But anyway, lots of japanese children wearing kimono, and they look so kawaii!

This little girl actually wants to take picture with me (white kimono), but she's very shy. Her sister (left) refuse to accompany her so she also afraid. But she's so CUTE!!!

**PS: Currently making a habit to upload photos while blogging, to share some nice stuff with you all. My taiwan trip photo still pending til now, sumimasen.....

很快五天的training也这样的结束了.......我在想念着什么呢？心里又在想那些不三不四的东西。其实他对每个人都那么好，自己又想多了。我这个人真的是太少人对我好了，难怪我会误会得那么深。真傻！为何我那么天真呢？

算了吧，还好training已完了，可以清醒的分析，什么是真爱，什么是错觉.....也该把自己敲醒了，避免像上次与YK那样把自己搞到不上不下，生活也很糟糕。这时突然看到YK也上网，也在播着‘流沙’......那些回忆我应该不会忘记。不知他现在如何了，已接近一年没联络了，就算上网，我们也从不谈天。他应该已忘了我了......我呢？我不知道自己心里在想什么。太复杂了......

矛盾

是他对我有兴趣？还是我希望他对我有兴趣？别想那么多了，顺其自然吧！

有人对我好，却嫌弃。当没人对我好，却觉得自己很可怜。为何我那么矛盾呢？今天全部人都自己去training，我原本想跟其中一个的车，但人家已很明显显示不要载我了，我可以做什么呢？我脸皮并不厚，也知道应该要想别的办法了。还好我哥可以停我在附近，让我至少还可以走一小段路到达目的地。没事能难得倒我的，加油！

Expectations

Just finished my second day of training, still have 3 more days to go. Felt like going back to lecture life in uni life (suddenly miss those days in uni).....did learn some stuff which is really useful for work but not sure whether the company will change their policies just based on a few words from the speaker. But anyway, the main part is the food and most importantly is that I'm free from the boring office for half a day.

This week.........something did happen..........even now I still thought that I'm dreaming. The training that I attend is actually a external training held at somewhere near my company, walking distance may be around 20 minutes. What suprise me is that my senior volunteer to offer a ride. Everyday, he'll come to pick us up from the company. After the training, he also send us back to the company. Yesterday noon, it's raining slightly, so he sends us til the main lobby cause he afraid we'll get wet. After doing my OT, like usual I never expected to get a ride from anyone, as I already preparing to walk to the monorail. He was going back that time as well, together with another senior. That other senior jokingly asked him to send me off to monorail, so that I no need to walk there. Actually he at first ponder for awhile as he knew the road heading towards to the monorail is always jam, he has other alternative roads that didn't pass by the station. But then he still offer to drop me off at that station. Today, like usual after my OT, preparing to walk to monorail as well. Actually today I left earlier as I hit my target and don't want to stay in office anymore. Lucky me that another senior was going back that time as well and offer me a ride as well.

I'm that being lucky lately? But continuous to get free ride from my colleagues lately seems weird to me. I only have few conclusions, is either I'm extremely lucky OR my colleagues are doing 'charity' lately OR some of them 'bump' into my blog and knew the 'good' things I tell about them (but this seem to be impossible) OR .......Malaysia must be snowing.

Haha......some of you might thought that why I should even bother when people are treating me good. May be I get used to people treating me bad. To expect anyone to treat me nice without motives also is impossible in my life. But then, no matter what goes wrong lately, I will still live with expectation from myself only, never have any expectation from others.

不知道是我太敏感，还是我真的察觉到有人在监视着我。也不算监视那么恐怖啦，只是我的一举一动感觉上好像有人在观察着。有可能是他吗？最近工作很忙，根本就没时间理会这些事，就算他站在我前面看着我，我觉得我应该也是没反应。

这星期日，美云说要介绍一个男生给我，可能她已开始为我担心吧。但这些并无法可以控制，更无法让我能一见钟情吧。算了拉，我已答应她了，就当着是认识新朋友吧。

昨天，做case 已做得不省人事。为了生意，我已accept 了好多case，还好超越我们的target。之少，多多少少我的贡献也算蛮大。有没有人欣赏我的实力是另一回事，但我也不理会，只觉得很开心因我已学会了好多事，有许多工作上的疑问也得到答案和解答。

昨晚只做到11.30pm ，什么transit都应该停止营业了。看到同事们一堆一堆的一起carpool回家，可惜没人住我那一区，所以只好自己一个人回.......但也没人approach我，问我如何回。可能我看起来很独立很有思想吧，没什么事难得到我。真正的我，有那么坚强就好了......其实我的依赖心很重.......看到他们一个一个走，当时的我心里一直希望有人会问我........可惜没有。

我原本打算搭taxi，但又害怕一个人搭。结果还是打电话叫家人来载......我这个人就是这样，又想依赖人但又不想连累人，这么夜还要家人来载，心里又觉得难过。都怪自己......

Biological clock

Lately have been wake up very early.......even before the alarm rang. It's not that I slept early or what......but somehow my biological clock seems to tick faster. I did try to sleep back but fail, so I just wake up and prepare to go work. It has already been going on for few days already....is it due to the stress from work? Or is it that something on my mind that I just couldn't let it go?

Today already Saturaday, still having the same problem. But anyway I still have to work today, so doesn't make any difference. I'm just afraid tomorrow that I'll be waking up 6am again. May be I should try to make myself more tired......Ok off to work already.

人缘改善了？

最近觉得在公司，人缘好像慢慢改善了，至少与其他人有更多相处，有说有笑.....其实我也发觉到好像有人一直注意着我，不管走到哪里，总有人会以奇怪的眼神看着我......那种眼神，我也分不出是ham sap，还是看美女.....总之是让我觉得不舒服啦。

Eng 前天与上次去台湾的朋友去喝茶，他们刚好带了个新朋友，介绍给Eng 认识。Eng 和我说那男的蛮和我等对，想介绍给我。她也开始为我担心了.....我只是对她微笑，其实目前为止我不知道自己在什么状况，更不知道自己要什么。一直以来，从未想过有人会与我分享我生活中的每一滴.......而且爱情这种事我也无法控制，随缘吧.......

废人不需理会

前天，其实已很不舒服了，早上开始就头晕，肚子也很痛。又不敢MC因公司太多工作了，人手不够。怎么知道又有fire drill，还要爬下15 floor，下到去后再走去集合的地方，我已在飘了，又冒冷汗和脸色苍白。过后还要走去Pavillion。Farewell 后下起大雨，没人带雨伞，结果又去淋雨。回到公司已发高烧了。But 我还是忍到做完OT 才回家......真是工作狂。

昨天，肚子还是很涨，没办法只好请假去看医生。医生说是胃风。公司也没人call 我，问我状况如何。今天，午餐时，Joe Ann 竟然说我假假，当时的我很生气，竟然这样形容我.......算了拉，她迟早会有报应的。我对得住天地良心......不需为这些废材的一句话波坏我一整天的好心情。

收到公司senior对我的肯定，其实我已很开心了，至少我并不像我想象中那么没用。下个月还被派去外面training，好难得的机会.......好事一个连一个，如果爱情也能那么顺利就很好了。我好贪心........有谁不贪心的呢？

Life...

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right.. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Gambate !!

我最近不知道自己在做什么......只觉得好像要把自己搞得很忙很忙。上个星期，只顾着工作，星期六也是。星期日有的休息但还是跑出去一整天，去Tesco啦，书展啦，shopping啦......花了好多钱，问题是不觉得心痛。可能买东西给自己是理所当然的吧，更何况自己工作得那么辛苦。

今天，他们给我个重要的task做，很开心，终于我不需做清理白板的工作，想回去只觉得浪费人才。现在就是我要发挥我的能力的时候了，加油！

原本我以为我会对Kent有兴趣，现在才知道是错觉吧了，我想太多了，而且可能单独太久了，一时误会别人对我好是因对我有好感。现在的我很清醒，不会再有这种想法了......而且缘分我无法掌控，随缘吧.......

最近，一直忙着清理房间，尽量找出任何可以捐出的东西，帮助需要的人......其实这台湾一游，真的让我大开眼界，从导游身上也学了许多人生道理，让我知道我们是多么幸福的，之前的生活浪费了好多机会，时间和金钱，这些其实可以换来许多人的基本生活费和一个灿烂的笑容。这一时的你，想做什么就去做吧，无须考虑那么多.......人生，没有一个永远对，永远成功的路，选错了或失败了，再爬起来，最重要是那过程。

从今开始，我要充足的利用我的生活，天天过得就如没有明天。希望你也一样.......

不舍

从台湾回来已有3天了，这8天的旅途里珍藏着许多回忆，有开心的，恶心的，辛苦的，恐怖的，这8天里都体验得很多。不知道是不是我这人感情太丰富，其实最后一天下飞机后，回到家那一刹那，我的心口很痛，那不舍的感觉一直不停的回绕着我，痛到我无法呼吸。当时的我正在整理行李，我赶快停下跑到屋外深呼吸，安慰着自己这只不过是人生的一部分，认识到这班朋友是缘分，将来有缘分还会相遇。

难怪我那么讨厌毕业典礼，就好像把我的人生的一小部分挂上句号，过后在另一边再从新开始人生新的一页。与人之间保持一段距离，也可能就是我维护自己，避免自己又有那不舍的痛苦。但......这样的我会开心吗？平淡没感情的人生有趣吗？

平平淡淡，倒不如过得精精采采，我应该好好活好每一天，不管甜酸苦辣，我都要过得很充足！

希望在人间

还有14个小时，我就要离开这儿8天........12天后才会见到面。这段时期奇迹会出现吗？

脑袋一片空白，我要相信自己，相信这世界还是有希望的，加油！

珍惜

有时这个世界蛮神奇，可能不是对每个人，可是我的真的好神奇。我的生活中，所经过的多多少少波浪，随时都可令人崩溃.......其实我已崩溃了好多次，只不过我硬硬一一去面对它......也可以说我小胆，不敢放弃，当时的我无法看到未来，很多犹豫已在我脑海里徘徊，也不知道自己的选择对吗？

有时我在想，如果我轻易就放弃，我还会有今天的成就吗？这些如果......无法有人能预测，也没有人能再从活一次。唯一我知道的是今天的我到这一步，踏得不容易，我要珍惜.......

Obstacles....

Everytime no matter how simple a task can be for other people.....for me it could evolve into a big snow ball and it'll be growing and growing til it reach it's maximum size. I guess this is how god is testing my patience for each and every time. Currently already get use to such situation.......when things goes too easy for me in the beginning, don't be happy too fast, it usually ends miserably. So even now and then, I hardly being happy for the small small things I received, just that I don't want to end up with disappointment later.

Actually in this whole process I did learn a lot. Way too much things that other people won't need to encouter nor experience. I'm beginning to be thankful that small small matters I can just settle within minutes as it was nothing as compare to my bigger troubles back then. Does it made me a better person?? Nah......more likely a vulnerable person. Lol...........

压力

最近一直OT个不停，从星期二到昨天，连续三天呆在 office 多过12个小时，昨天终于顶不顺了，做错了东西，反而更多工.....昨晚我一直在想，这是我要的吗？这是我想要的生活吗？我可以连续两三年过这样的生活吗？

今天我请假，其实根本都不需要，但我已很累了，累到不知道自己在想什么了，今天过马路也没看到摩托，还好有人叫住我。原本明天星期六还需要回去工作，but 还好last minute 他们通知我 cancelled 了。我真的需要好好休息......

加油

最近很累，为了钱，OT 了两天。心里的空虚也无法填满....我有时在想，我会这样孤独一生吗？我不知道未来会怎样，我只知道我的一生再这样下去会闷。

最近，心里还想着一个同事......他这几天都不在公司，星期三和senior去吃饭时，他也有join.......我心里在想他有想着我吗？非常无聊的想法，我一定是空虚太久了，竟然想着这么不三不四的想法。还好没人知道我这愚蠢的想法......不然我也不知道该多去哪里。

现在只有钱多我很重要.....我要做女强人！孤独一生也无所谓。

Too dumb

To sacrifice yourself in order to please others............sound so dumb, but I keep on repeating it.

May be just like there's a saying in cantonese, 人蠢没药医.......I'm just extermely dumb. Tomorrow still need to settle it as already promise people in the first place. Me and my big mouth.......

Rumours has been spreading around that I'm resigning as today someone asking me on this. May be it's cleary written on my face that I'm dying for resignation..........which is a good thing so that next time I just show my face and no need to type the resignation letter at all.

I already get use to being misunderstood.........I wonder anyone could really understand the correct signal send by me?! May be I'm dumb in EQ as well.......lol. What else I'm good at?

没人要

Sigh......哥没女友时，家人又担心，现在有女友，却骂人一大堆坏处。我也不知道我家人到底要什么，我只知道以后我有男友也不要这么早带回家给家人看。But likely 没可能发生，因他们这唯一独生女没人要。

问题出在哪里？我也很想知道。我只知道在 office 里很多人以为我有男朋友了。再加上我又不喜欢解释，这 misunderstanding 就越变越深，现在应该没人会敢追我了。我也相信他们应该不会抢别人的女友......虽然我不是。哈哈......说出来也没人相信，可能我太会演戏了，金马奖非我莫属........lol.

好人活不久

昨天去 Times Square 买球鞋，今天去 PC Fair 买相机和 external hardisk 。看来我钱包已 officially bankrupt 了。台湾的 Trip 还没给钱，台币也还没换......我真的需要钱，看来我要勤力做多点 OT 了。

今早，她 sms 我告诉我她没去 PC Fair 了，不知我几时答应要和她一起去，无聊。我已对她彻底死心了，我没这种朋友。自私.......对，我要对自己自私一些，之前那么大方却被人吃豆腐。我要做坏人，奸人........好人是无法在这种世界生存的。

Friend

嗨.......最近很伤心，真的彻底对朋友非常的失望。可能人家根本从来都没把我当着是朋友，是自己太天真，相信有些人会珍惜这友情。

这已经是第二次了，她明知道我很想去那儿，都鬼鬼祟祟不要让我知道。可惜纸包不住火，lunch time 时，有个 colleague 突然问她几时要去那儿。她第一个表情就是看着我，我听到了，已不想再听下去，她不知道如何去，of course 她希望这时我会出声说我会........but 我已受过很多教训了，因她一定 expect 我会 all the way 驾车载她去。全部 colleague 都知道她要去那儿，我这身为她几年的朋友竟然不知道。

这星期日，我会去PC fair......昨天我也不知道她如何知道，but 她特地假好心问我星期日有去哪里。我 of course 没那么鬼祟.....直接告诉她。她说她也想去.......我没出声，一放工我就回家了。我不想再有这种朋友，为了自己的利益不择手段.........

依赖的心

这些改变是好的吗？重来没人认同我，也没人不认同我......有时在怀疑我对吗？

‘依赖’.....这字眼好像无法在我人生字典里生存。唯一刻骨铭心的只有‘独立’........这独立的心反而被人依赖。我很累......不想依赖人，也不想别人依赖我。

Merdeka !!

Yeah finally MERDEKA !!!!!

Yesterday was really a great suffer.......doing all those last minutes studies. I stayed up til 1.30am, then sleep for 4 hrs only and get up on 5.30am. I wonder did I sleep......haiz. I only know I felt very dizzy.....may be way too long didn't stay up this late especially for test. Reminds me of the uni life.........already approaching 1 yr since I graduated. Currently seems like too old to burn night oil already.......next time should really study earlier. Haha.....ya if there's next time.

Another thing I learned in this week is that never bother about what others are doing and don't get involved at all. But how can I stop people getting me to involve?! May be 'NO' is the magic word.......haiz I'm being too kind already.

Stay away from me

Gosh.......insurance agent please stay far from me and stop bothering me.

It's easy to say that when the agent is not your friend. But my current situation is totally the opposite.......

Yesterday finally have the 'ohm' to study for my test.....but totally interrupted by sms from a very long lost friend for all these insurance thingy. Gosh there goes my studying.......no matter how direct and indirect I told her I don't want to get another insurance now (eventhough I cheat her that I already have one), the message just couldn't stop.........in the end, I have to turn off my phone just to get some peace. But I still couldn't concentrate study already and just went to sleep.

This morning, still the sms never stops and the never-ending phone calls. I didn't respond to any of it......waste my effort and money. Luckily I set her number in silence, at least I know when my phones vibrate I can just disregard it. She even sms me saying that she wanted to come to my house coz she bought some souvenir for me. Sshhh....you think I'm like those aunty easily cheated?! I learned from the hard way that NOTHING COMES FREE. Thank god I not at home this whole morning, I even warn my family members to say I'm not around.

Gosh.......currently is month end. They all were so desperate. With friends like that, I wonder whether still consider friend or not, but definitely not already to me. Out of no where calling me friend and keep on pestering me to buy insurance. You might thought I'm being mean......but I only could tell you, I not a charity organization and I not that rich to do so much of 'charity'.

Being On Time

This morning can't really sleep well.......end up getting up quite early. So just prepare going to work since I'm already up, may be could settle some stuff in office later.

The funny part is I never go to office so early.......ahem let me rephrase that........I always reach office 'on time'. Today, I reach at office around 7.40am I think. Everyone look and thought I'm sleep walking or I'm must be sick.......lol. Here comes the funniest part.......another senior who always 100% came late for work, suddenly come in early today also. Just few minutes after me, now everyone really thought they must be sick or they must be seeing things already.......haha. Some say that both of us plan it........duh........some even worse saying we're coming together.........but pretend to come in seperately. Lol.......they must be watching too much drama..........Besides, that senior already have a 'candidate' (definitely not me.....phew) in the office.

Lately just being tired for no reason, couldn't sleep well also, may be I'm too stress out. Luckily tonight rains......at least it'll be a good night to sleep.

Save......save.......save......

OK after 3 days sitting at new place with my new neighbours........hhmm........I talk lesser but most of the time is to the phone. May be it's also a good impression (faking it) that I'm a quiet person. Of course with new colleagues around, everyone look so new, lots of staff I don't even know who including old staff.......lol. This is the time where guys 'kap' pretty girls but don't worry we girls also doing the same.......haha. Hhmm so conclusion.........the guys still ok la, but there's more pretty gals. (Guys don't be offended......may be you're just not my cup of tea......haha).

Yesterday took half day off, I don't know why everyone's so suprise. May be they thought local people taking leave must be going somewhere. Yeah I'm going somewhere call Home. Haha........but in May I'm really going to take a long leave going somewhere. Taiwan here I come, wait for me ya...........Went to book it during the Matta Fair last week. Seems like from today onwards I need to save more money........haiz........But yesterday after work, went to settle some stuff in KLCC. KLCC !!..........how could I resist that temptation?! With all those sales happening around.......70%.......50%........20%.........I end up another RM 200+ poorer.

Even today I force myself to stay at home.........not forgetting that I also need to study my test as well. Looks like this saturday I can't go sing K with my friends already.........sob sob.

顺其自然

最近心情蛮低落，可能是担心太多事了.......公司又改变Organization structure，有很大的变动，过后还要温习考试，明天又要settle去台湾的事。这些是大事，还没包括其他小事呢！难怪我没人要，因我的时间分给自己也不够用，更何况其他人。

这可能是我的借口吧.......也可说是我对爱情有恐惧镇，不敢get involved因不想让任何人和我一起受苦。看到自己亲身父母婚礼那么失败，看到哥拍拖也不受家人认同，我没信心，再加上我整天折磨自己多过爱惜自己，没资格去爱别人。

许多事不由我来作主，顺其自然吧......

My work life sucks

This weeks overall wasn't really going good for me.

When going back to work on Tuesday, after MC for one day, doesn't seem to be too harsh for me. In fact, it's too good. The customer complaint list for last month came out and the best part is my name is not in it. Another thing to be happy is that I manage to hit my daily target with ease that day.

But my happy days end too soon........on Wednesday, morning did a few difficult cases which slows me down a lot. After lunch is where my suffering begins..........firstly Lydia IM me, after a few 'Q&A session' (to me is more like arguement), in the end I admit I make mistake for following the guideline without using my brain. (Then why is the guideline make for? Wasn't it suppose to guide people?...........haiz). Then I thought the 'Q&A session' is done, but no, actually there's round 2...........from there I admit that I'm wrong for using my own individual consideration and my own common sense (You think differently but doesn't make my fact is non-sense, is just that different opinion......haiz.......I'm junior, you're senior.........so which equals that I'm wrong).

After a few cases, another senior IM me, Keat..............of course is another 'Q&A'. He scolded me for not asking the medical report in the first place and now the case is pending for too long. OK..............I did my part, which is the only part I can do, EXPLAIN..............First thing, if I were to request that medical report, I end up calling 2 medical report as there's another medical condition which is more important (More medical report means increase company cost.......is extremely NOT ENCOURAGED), another thing is that, is not my fault that the agent delay in handing in the documents and the another senior who follow up my case didn't put reminder to the agent. So whose fault is it right now?? So I admit is my fault.............my fault for not increasing company cost in the first place.

Then, after another few cases, KS IM me regarding this case which I had done last week............polio victim since birth, alleged healthy now, currently age 40 and able to drive lorry..................I did use my common sense and I feel that is ok to let go but to be save I seek another senior's opinion. She wants a medical report............so ok, being the junior is better to listen to the more experience senior right. So I requested the report. Now KS scolded me by saying "What are you afraid of? Afraid the client having disabilities right now? If yes, how he drive the lorry for the living? ". I had already reached my limit, I just directly tell KS straight to the point - " I ADMIT IS MY MISTAKE TO LISTEN TO SENIOR'S SUGGESTION AND DON'T BOTHER ABOUT MY OWN INDIVIDUAL CONSIDERATION".............KS slightly got shocked for my reaction and he seems to feel bad. Actually from the moment when Lydia scolded me, I'm already going to burst in tears, feel like leaving the company that very moment, but I tell myself to be strong.

To end the day, I opened a case which is 1.6 Million...........GOSH. Nearly everyone went back already but with this case.......haiz........I don't care and just closed it. It's going over my limit of the day...........I don't even bother whether did I hit my daily target and I just went back home.
I ponder........This job suits me? Is it all working life this suck? Or is it just mine that sucks like this?

I only know no matter how much confidence I have in this job, it's has all went down the drain. Even now some small small issue, I doubt on my judgement. Am I really that bad?? Or I'm just a easy target to pick on??

我不是神

我又来生病了，现在还发冷呢。自从新年到今天，我的咳嗽还没好过，反而更变本加厉。可能是工作上的压力吧，再加上心情不好，太多事情需要完成but很辛苦。

昨天做morning shift, team leader告诉我说morning shift 的不用做over time。But 刚好放工之前拿到一个公司的case, total submit 了19 个new application。我的Team Leader insist 要我做完它才可以走，我已咳到不能顶了，他还expect我做完它。我只好呆在那儿做到8.30pm。回到家，刚好前几天已约好昨晚和朋友去yum cha，之前已推了几次，不好意思再推，只好去，一直到1am才回来，直接倒在床上。

原本以为今天可以休息，怎么知道爸又要请朋友来到家吃饭，又要帮手他们prepare。看来明天一定要去看医生了，希望他能给我MC吧。我真的很想好好的休息..........

SIGH...........

SIGH................................................

Such a long sigh.......but actually in real life is longer. Today was scolded for doing a mistake. Actually wasn't really my mistake. I'm just follow the way that they taught us during training. So it's my fault that operations have different appraoch. Why can't they collaborate?? Making so many innocent people like me being scold for no reason.

Lunch.......actually my friend wanted to treat me as tomorrow is my birthday. But the Auntie Sam is not open today. Sigh.........end up eating some indian food which taste so ****. Making me feel throat itchy until now.

Tomorrow will be my first birthday since started to work. Which means I need to celebrate it with my colleague as likely there'll be OT required tomorrow.

SIGH.............................................

May be I'll feel better by thinking what present will I receive tomorrow and what cake will it be. Lol.......................

东禅寺

昨天，和同事一班人去东禅寺........其实我有在想如果不是我认得路如何去，他们还会约我去吗？我不知道，也不敢知道这残酷的真相。But 我只知道我人缘比一般人差......我也不知道为什么会这样。我人不错啊，可能我人太好而people take me for granted。虽然我表面上好像毫无所谓，其实我心里很介意。介意又怎样呢？还是要假装没事发生，继续生活下去。

昨天在那儿拜拜时，也有拓神保佑我，人缘好一些，生活过得开心一些。Even 许愿，也希望早日遇到自己生命中的白马王子...........可能没拍拖过的我太desperate了，自己也已24岁了，从未拍过拖好像很奇怪，而且再过几年我会觉得更可悲。看到身边的人都有对象了......自己心里有点不平衡。希望我的愿望能实现........

So cute....

Lol.......trying to be a watch dog while sleepy.

我会好好过

很久没blog了，脑里想了好多事，好多事都已过了.......but 脑袋里还在想着。想了又能怎样呢？可能remind自己当初有多傻吧。就算时间倒流，我觉得结果也是会一样。Moving on 虽然外表很坚强， 很开心，很开朗.........但内心却无人有办法了解。我也不渴望有人会了解，这种痛苦我一个人懂就好了。而且我也习惯不拖累其他人........

我会好好过.........这首歌虽然表达不了我心里的话，but 放心吧，我一定会过得很好.........每一天，每一分，每一秒。这不是你要的吗？

The End

Mixed feelings.......

Why do I do that for? It's so obviously that I'm trying to ask him some stupid favour so that he has the chance to talk to me. But now I feel like a complete fool. Not even a single word.......not even a single reply from him. All my open questions bump to an ending. No further conversation can be carried on. May be this is the real ending, the ending that will never be started all over again. May be all those feelings I have for you were just some mistake......neurologically wrongly interpreted.

I need to move on. Even though is tough to move on alone but is easier than to move on with you.

Early wish for Valentine's Day

Suppose to start work today, but my cough and fever is getting worst and it's disturbing my sleep as well. Finally went to see the Dr yesterday, Dr gave me MC for today, actually he wanted to issue yesterday's date, but since I already on leave yesterday and don't want the hassle to change it to MC later so I asked him to issue today's date. Luckily the Dr was so nice, it's also better for me to rest at home than spreading my cough in the company. Now it's getting better........

Since so many collegues was on leave for so many days for this festive season, the work load was of course a lot. One of my colleague who started work yesterday, she needs to stay for OT somemore. With my current health condition, is better that I just take a rest at home, or else I really would suffer in the office later.

Yesterday night my brother finally bought back his gf, of course at home my grandmother and parents starts their 'interview'.......haha. Hope it doesn't scares her. This should be his very first gf. Actually is quite weird nowadays for guys his age to have the first gf at this age. But after few more years, if I still stay single by then, then I'm not much different with my bro......haha. For him, may be work comes first, that's why it took him so long to actually get a gf.

For me, is not that cupid never strikes on me, is just that their arrow didn't penetrate deep inside my heart. Or in order words, I'm just a big fool in love........ with the Valentine's days just 24 hrs away from now. Hhmm......likely I'll be celebrating with my cough and flu at home. Because it'll destroy the mood if I were to celebrate with my singles friends at pub. Besides I'm a GOOD patient, should rest more and listen to Dr's advice........lol.

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day to all the couples, may both of you have everlasting love. Not forgetting the Singles as well, hope that Cupid strikes deep into your heart and spend this lovely occasion with someone you care the most, whether is your family, your pet or your best pals......

Aren't we being courteous??

5th day of chinese new year........I thought that my ex-classmates will come, but then everyone's busy as nearly all have started to work today, unlike last time where everyone willing to ponteng the lectures just to hang around at friend's house collect lots and lots of ang pow.

Today went to the bank with my grandmother. As the bank location in KL is hard to find a parking space, so we went there via LRT. When we got up the train, none........not a single soul even kind enough to give out their seat to my grandmother. All were occupied by the young peoples and most are these people are from the majority race in Malaysia, not willing to even mention their race here in my blog, not worth it. I stare at every single of them, all just pretend to sleep and pretend not looking at our direction. Pity my grandmother have to stand in the middle and trying to stable herself while the train was moving. Even those who already knew that they are going to get down at the next station, their butt seem to glue at the seat until the door opens for their destination. I not willing to scold people that special '3 words' during Chinese New Year, but I know soon they'll receive their repayment in full for their 'greatfulness'.

Those signboards with 'Aren't we being courteous??', doesn't seems to work. They should put at all seats and change the wording as well to 'Forgive me, I'm going to be disabled any moment now'. I should have taken their photo and post it here for free publicity.

These people are really sick, I really don't know what's on their mind. I always remember even last time during schooling time with those heavy weights at my back, I also willing to give out my place to those elders, even pregnant ladies.......no matter how crowded and no matter where is it even if my station is the last terminal station.

Education system in Msia not working well in educating these people. Sick.....

Happy CNY

Happy Chinese New Year !!!!!

Only day two of this festive but I already down with fever, flu and cough. Thanks to all those junk food and mandarin oranges......and not forgetting the hot weather.

This year.......I received a lot of greeting from my friends as compare to last year. Most importantly is that this year I didn't even take the iniative to send any greetings at all. May be this is the pay off time for all those greetings that I send to them last time without receiving any reply. At least it proves that I'm not that pity in EQ.

What suprise me most is that Felix even send CNY testimonial to me........which is exactly a rare sight. But then he did add to everyone's profiles. It's been awhile that I check out his friendster profile.........still noted his message for that special 'you'. I wonder who is that? But then it's none of my business..........it has nothing to do with me as well.

Another few more days is Valentine's day..........dare not to even think about it. Just let it be......

Mixed feelings...

Counting down.......CNY was just only 2 more days away. Am I happy to welcome it or totally unhappy about it?? Currently still having complex feelings........may be a bit imbalance due to this two days need to work while seeing the others colleagues were happily on leave.......lol.

Today only 15 ppl came to work, tomorrow.......hhmm..........may be less than 10. How could I be normal by seeing how empty, how quiet, how freezing cold the air-cond is when less ppl is around?? Lol........but luckily tomorrow is my last day working. Yeah.........

Anyway day by day been really excited for the NY as it is my year..........RAT!!! Oppsss.........age revealed. Haha........age doesn't seem to bother me that much as recently a lot been asking me is it that I just completed Form 5. Hai........sometimes I wonder should I be happy for being young or sad for being childish? 'Mature'.......may be this is what I should target for this coming CNY. Hopefully it didn't turn out being too old.....lol.

Time really pass by slightly fast......as after we celebrate CNY for 1 week, then here's comes the day where chocolates and flowers price hikes. VALENTINE'S day......Looks like I'll be celebrating it at home.........I wonder will there be any special occassions will be on that night?!

May be something will really happen if I use 'The Secret'.........ok let's give it a try! I wonder these really works for Love as well?!

Sick EQ...

My EQ is worst than what I imagine......

In working life, I'm so left out. Yesterday everyone knew there's a meeting (but no annoucement or email was sent) and nearly all heading towards the room already. I'm still so 'indulge' in my work that I didn't notice everyone is moving towards that one same direction. Until one of the senior finally notice why I'm not moving at all, he asked me why you're still here. I don't even know what's happening until he told me to hurry for that meeting. Even my lunchmate didn't inform me about the meeting........this is not the first time to be the very last to know what's going on.

Most of the senior there doesn't seem to like me as I'm not so good like others in 'bodek' them. Some seniors even purposely make it look worse by giving out rewards to those who 'bodek' them so much.......obviously showing that I'm not part of it. In other people's mind, they might thought that I'm so proud and selfish and don't want to offer any help to the seniors. But the fact is, we're not allowed to simply help someone out as we need to ask permissions from Team Leaders. But who cares about the fact?!

Even in my personal life.......just now saw one of my coursemate online in MSN. Of course like usual will be chatting to follow up what's the latest updates from them. But the only thing that she discuss about is when am I going to treat her. We're both working and obviously my salary was not much differs from hers. What makes her think that I should treat her? I just end the conversation......because it's going no where.

Now where's the problem? Is the problem with me or is just that my life were surrounded by so many sick ppl.....

Tend to be different...

Am I being stupid? Everyone's choosing the day shift, but I and OYP choosen the night shift. This includes next week, everyone taking leave on Mon and Tue for the coming CNY but the both of us didn't.

Actually from other ppl's eyes, we look extremely pity.....the fact is that everyone has to choose either Jan or Feb to have night shift, the only problem is that we both choose Jan.......may be in that sense that we're different from others that make us look so pathetic.

Well......for next week, with only 15 ppl coming to work on Mon and Tues, may be I should be feel lucky to be one of the 15 ppl. May be this is what they call commitment to the company.....or in other words sacrifice.....

As a local breed here, I don't know what else to do if I were to take leave, besides being a pig......sleep, eat, watch tv etc. May be by looking at this positively........I can save my leave for my coming travelling trip and may be to impress some seniors in how 'commitment' I am to the company......lol.

大扫除

Chinese New Year were just 16 days away........House cleaning is a must for everyone, never knew there's so much dust staying with me for that long. It's time to say bye bye to them........

A new year, a new beginning........lately have been changing a lot, did a lot of 'internal' spring cleaning as well. All those memories were all history.........kept far behind the unconscious side of my brain, unlikely to be triggered out as it had already been sealed with time. I no longer linger on the past.........the future is what I concern most right now. Am I being cruel or cold-hearted? I could only answer 'Everyone have to move on with life......What ever that was done, we're unable to undo it........The only thing we can do is make full use of the time we have now and live with no regrets............'

Luck

Last week was full of great challenges............luckily I'm strong enough to face it. Last friday, the seniors wanted to go to Ampang to try the most famous Yong Tau Foo............being the only junior who's staying in Ampang. I've to actually bring them there. I've to actually do 'research' as the last time I been there was like nearly 10 years ago. Luckily we manage to reach there without getting lost. Imagine how big responsibility that is......bringing 11 people to somewhere I myself not that sure.

Saturday was our company's yearly outing......to Genting !! During the treasure hunt........eventhough we didn't manage to get 5th place and above but we gain a lot. It's a good experience working as a team. During the dinner, we manage to 'vow' the crowd by dressing so 'outstanding'. We manage to won the 2nd prize for Best Costume (Table category) and our King manage to won 3rd prize for Best Dressed Male Costume. But the greatest prize of all is that I won a lucky draw. It's the 4th Grand prize........RM 1000 travelling voncher. Hahahaha................I never got so lucky before especially in Lucky Draw. Really didn't imagine that when I'm lucky is really that damn lucky to get such a big prize. Now planning to see where to travel.......haha. I really needing this vacation.....which comes in the right time.

Our King even went to gamble.... I suggest a number for him to bet since I won a lucky draw hoping my luck is still strong.....lol and he really won double the profit, he's going to treat us lunch tomorrow. Yeah.......free lunch........haha.

Seems like my luck has been changing........it's been quite a long time that I didn't have such feelings............all of a sudden I thought that I'm still dreaming..........but it's really happening. The envelope containing my travel voucher is right in front of me.............those picture taken during our dinner was still in my camera.........every details...........I really should appreciate all these momments.

容易受伤的女人

今天去吃午餐时，不小心又跌倒........嗨，这样也会跌，路很平呢，又不关鞋的事，ok 啦，就承认是自己糊涂，容易受伤的女人这代号非我莫属........lol。愚的是在其他同事面前跌，算了啦，我之前已经‘famous’ 了，这次当作是广告.....哈哈。

现在膝盖很痛，脚指头也受伤，手掌也是.....刚刚冲凉真痛苦.....也只能怪自己，还好这星期六的Annual Dinner 我是穿长裙，不然真的很难看........

不知道我们会赢那best costume奖金吗？听说有一个team打扮成police and prisoner，好有创意哦.......But 我们一定会赢的，may be 他们的costume 没我想象中那么好看.......我们一定是第一！

What a good rest !!!!

Monday on MC, only work on Tuesday and Wednesday as Thursday is a holiday and Friday I apply leave.

This week was so relaxing for me.......at least I did a lot of shopping. Thursday morning had a very full breakfast with my uncles, they can really eat. After that, went to the supermarket to buy the usual household grocery. On Friday, went to shopping all by myself at Times Square, didn't really got much stuff there as the mega sales just ended.

But luckily went to Sogo with my mom on Saturday, at least at there manage to buy something to wear for the coming Chinese New Year. I bought 2 sandals, 1 jeans, 1 shirt and 1 small hand bag. My mom got a shock as if I just won a lottery for shopping so madly. May be it's been quite a while since the last time I went for shopping. The whole November and December last year were just busy working, don't really spend time on shopping, and most importantly is I miss out the mega sales......sob sob.

Tomorrow have to start work, after been waking so late this few days, I really need to sleep early tonight so that I won't have a terrible Monday blues tomorrow. This week should be a great week for me, I don't know why but I just have this weird happy feeling.

MC

Today finally is my very first time on MC, after longing for a MC desperately since last month........

Not that I plan for this MC, it just happen like that. Actually I've been having the urge of wanted to vomit even since last few weeks, only today that I finally vomitted. The Dr said that my stomach is full of wind but still fit for work....the Dr was so inconsiderate , I already vomitted 3 times on the way to the clinic, and he said that I'm fit for work !? I don't bother about that and I definitely don't want to vomit all the way to work. I just ask him to give me a MC, otherwise I'm leaving right away. Drs nowadays........I'm now even felt slightly dizzy, I wonder did he really checked me properly.

Anyway, it is better to prevent than to cure......hhmm.....how to prevent air from entering my stomach?? Lol.......

End the torture!!

Just only the 5th day of New Year, yet my days were full of obstacle.........Hoping that all these will end with the coming of lunar year on 7th Feb.

Today went to try some costume for our company annual dinner........some of my friend bought their boy friend as well. OK may be the main point is that I don't have a boyfriend to bring. But then when I saw another colleague come alone, which makes me feel better as I still have so many friends to accompany me.

Actually there's a lot things in life that I had already miss out, may be all these contribute to what I am right now. I should really face the day and live everyday to the fullest, not regretting on the past and depress about what I should have done. All these while I have been pulling myself back from a lot opportunities in front of me.......the consequences is what I have to bare right now and I really don't like it that way.

Lately been reading 'The Secret' which is a self-help book, just finished 2 chapter, I feel that it's a good book to read, especially those really depress and full of negative thoughts like me.........going to continue few more chapter today.

Good Bye 2007

2007 就这样过了，一直到最后一天，都是痛苦的在过.....

工作方面，虽然一直尽力做最好，可惜没得到认同，除此之外，还被人误会....这些我无法控制，只好自我安慰，也不可望有人会了解我的痛处。就算我是公司的一分子，我永远都是被遗忘的那一位....

亲情方面更令人失望，我好不容易可以迟点上班，好不容易终于有个时间休息，拜托妈载弟弟去上班，怎么知道她却借口多多，到最后没给我个confirm的答复，到最后还是我爬起来载弟去公司。这种家.....还算家吗？婆又发疯，爸又有外遇，妈只顾自己，只是吃和睡......嗨.........不知该如何形容.......

这些事也只有我知道而已，身边没一个可以帮我分担.......而且我不需要别人的同情，同情只让我觉得更可悲。

希望2007带走这些伤心的回忆.......