My work life sucks

This weeks overall wasn't really going good for me.

When going back to work on Tuesday, after MC for one day, doesn't seem to be too harsh for me. In fact, it's too good. The customer complaint list for last month came out and the best part is my name is not in it. Another thing to be happy is that I manage to hit my daily target with ease that day.

But my happy days end too soon........on Wednesday, morning did a few difficult cases which slows me down a lot. After lunch is where my suffering begins..........firstly Lydia IM me, after a few 'Q&A session' (to me is more like arguement), in the end I admit I make mistake for following the guideline without using my brain. (Then why is the guideline make for? Wasn't it suppose to guide people?...........haiz). Then I thought the 'Q&A session' is done, but no, actually there's round 2...........from there I admit that I'm wrong for using my own individual consideration and my own common sense (You think differently but doesn't make my fact is non-sense, is just that different opinion......haiz.......I'm junior, you're senior.........so which equals that I'm wrong).

After a few cases, another senior IM me, Keat..............of course is another 'Q&A'. He scolded me for not asking the medical report in the first place and now the case is pending for too long. OK..............I did my part, which is the only part I can do, EXPLAIN..............First thing, if I were to request that medical report, I end up calling 2 medical report as there's another medical condition which is more important (More medical report means increase company cost.......is extremely NOT ENCOURAGED), another thing is that, is not my fault that the agent delay in handing in the documents and the another senior who follow up my case didn't put reminder to the agent. So whose fault is it right now?? So I admit is my fault.............my fault for not increasing company cost in the first place.

Then, after another few cases, KS IM me regarding this case which I had done last week............polio victim since birth, alleged healthy now, currently age 40 and able to drive lorry..................I did use my common sense and I feel that is ok to let go but to be save I seek another senior's opinion. She wants a medical report............so ok, being the junior is better to listen to the more experience senior right. So I requested the report. Now KS scolded me by saying "What are you afraid of? Afraid the client having disabilities right now? If yes, how he drive the lorry for the living? ". I had already reached my limit, I just directly tell KS straight to the point - " I ADMIT IS MY MISTAKE TO LISTEN TO SENIOR'S SUGGESTION AND DON'T BOTHER ABOUT MY OWN INDIVIDUAL CONSIDERATION".............KS slightly got shocked for my reaction and he seems to feel bad. Actually from the moment when Lydia scolded me, I'm already going to burst in tears, feel like leaving the company that very moment, but I tell myself to be strong.

To end the day, I opened a case which is 1.6 Million...........GOSH. Nearly everyone went back already but with this case.......haiz........I don't care and just closed it. It's going over my limit of the day...........I don't even bother whether did I hit my daily target and I just went back home.
I ponder........This job suits me? Is it all working life this suck? Or is it just mine that sucks like this?

I only know no matter how much confidence I have in this job, it's has all went down the drain. Even now some small small issue, I doubt on my judgement. Am I really that bad?? Or I'm just a easy target to pick on??