Sorry...

What I was hoping for ? Lately been thinking why do I want to work so hard for ?

I already tried my best to get more case and to finish it on time. Yesterday manage to hit the daily target but today no enough case distributed, so I didn't hit my target and just went back. The weird thing is that the other junior manage to finish up so many case.......I wonder where did all those case come from........their team leader was the distributor.....is it that the team leader give priority to them first and make me wait for more case to come in? I don't know about that but I was hoping that I think too much. So among the juniors, it seems like I'm the worst in number of cases done. I already can picture what will happen during review........surely I need to explain why others manage to finish up so many cases while I only finish half of theirs.

I know that I'm better than them in terms of exposure as my case were never easy.......but performance were not measure by quality but more towards quantity. I wonder whether will I work long under this circumstances?? The only thing I feel bad right now is that I'm might drag my team down.......feel very sorry for them.

Extremely bad week for me

Monday.........today is the first day for my daily target increasing to 25 cases per day.......nearly took me til 6.30pm to finish all. Actually did deduct 6 cases from there due to low volume........if the volume were high, I might have to work til 8pm.

Tuesday..........today is the first day that I doing overtime even since my daily target increased. So total case I need to hit is 37. My OT was suppose to end on 7.30pm........but in order to hit my target, I was forced to work until 9pm. That moment, nearly everyone had already went back except for one senior who is so kind to wait for us. Actually I didn't really hit my target that day, I only did 31 case.......but I don't want to make the senior to stay overnight in the office just because of me.......I replace it tomorrow morning.

Wednesday........first time reach office at 7am......some other senior been asking me whether did I ever went back home yesterday........I just smile.......don't know what to answer them. So today no OT for me, I need to hit daily target 25 plus replacing yesterday's case 6, meaning total 31 case. Same amount with what I did yesterday.......but that inclusive my OT time. I wonder whether I can finish without staying back............but thank god the volume was low and we are allowed to deduct 6 cases, so I manage to hit the target and go home 6pm. I being too happy too early. My bro came and fetch me........after driving for few metres away from my company, the car suddenly shake so vigourously, then in the end broke down in the middle of the road. That time was extremely jam........all the cars were so inconsiderate to horn at us non-stop, what they want us to do?? We already unable to start the engine and the bonet there were smokes coming out from it...........luckily I didn't panic and asked my bro to help to push the car while I steer the car to one side. Imagine I'm wearing heals, pushing the car and the same time control the steering. Not a good sight at all.........somemore is near my company and in the middle of jam........I wonder how 'famous' I could get from all these. But the thing that make me sad is that none came and help us..........everyone is so selfish........all they do is just look.....some even worse horn at us..........reminds me how cruel this world can be at times.

Thursday..........physically and mentally drained due to so much incident happened.......couldn't take it anymore. I just did my daily 25 cases...........the volume was low again and I don't care whether they allow us to deduct or not, I just deduct on my own and went back on time. I already try my best to did as much as I can........but my cases weren't so easy.......most of the time involves a lot of problem. I heard a lot of rumours saying how slow I process my cases.............I really hate it when ppl misunderstood me when they don't know the actual truth. But anyway, I couldn't care anymore. I did tried my best.

Friday.........finally is the last day of weekday. This day seems like a long day for me. At the end of the day, I was told that I'm required to come on Saturday. Actually they give me a choice either OT today or come tomorrow. I know I'm already very exhausted, so I choose to come on Sat.

Saturday.............went to work by driving my mom's car due to my bro's car need to be send to the mechanic today. Luckily I can adapt to different car easily.........but when my mom car shake slightly......sort of reminds me of the breakdown......the whole journey I was praying god don't play a fool with me. Thank god I can reach safely........must be thinking too much. I finish my work around 2pm so went for lunch with my collegue. Both of us thought of getting something nice to eat just to make ourselves feel better after a rough week. To my dismay is that, I went to Hapen and just order fish and chips...........after 45 minutes, my order still haven come !!! I already scolded the waiter few times........then only he came and told me that actually they didn't know out of fish just now, so now stil need 20 minutes......he asking we all whether do we still want to wait. My collegue got so mad that she scold the waiter and asked for the boss........'tell your boss.......what else can we do besides waiting 20 minutes.......we already waiting 45 minutes and now only you tell this........ask your boss what else he can recommend us to do beside wait 20 minutes ?!?!'. My collegue was having a bad week like me as well.........so both of us release all our anger on this pity waiter.......the boss is like a chicken, standing at the counter there dare not to come close to us. Both of us were too fed up.........I think our 'aura' really spread wide that the whole restaurant seems to be afraid of both of us. So finally I got my fish and chips at nearly 3.30pm..........the boss finally dare to come and serving us free desserts and free top up for drinks as well.........actually he also did give an extra piece of fish. I already speechless..........all I can only do is just stare at the boss.........but I think that should be scary enough.......haha. Finally finished our so call lunch at 4 something...........both of us just went back home, too tired with all these.

Sunday.........finally a day to rest..........this morning while playing with my dog........suddenly heard a 'pisssss.....' sound, it's quite loud. So I was searching where the sound came from........and you'll be very suprise what I found. The sound actually came from my mom's car........it's her tyre......it suddenly got puncture..........I was thinking luckily it didn't puncture yesterday while I was using it. Or else I sure have car breakdown phobia...........

So now I'm quite afraid.........afraid what is ahead of me this coming week..........God pls protect me!!!!

Is it due to my EQ ??

Wah......what a busy and tiring week.......thank god is saturday today. When it's busy, time seems to pass by very quickly.......yesterday I wasn't aware that is already Friday. Work maniac........

This week the cases can go from extremely difficult to very damn easy........luckily PY was there to help me out. I was so afraid that she'll be on MC, then I'm sure will be dead meat. In the office, I felt my relationship with collegue wasn't that close yet. Everytime I having some problem, I only seek advice from PY as she's sitting next to me. Actually I did try to message other senior........but to my disappointment, they seem to ignore my message most of the time or sometime reply my message half an hour later. Ok may be they are really busy and didn't notice my message, that's what I always think.........positive rite. Or may be my EQ really sucks..........

I can't believe what I'm doing right now.......I'm actually looking for books to improve my EQ, even searching for dummies guide. Am I really that desperate?? Hhmm......I also don't know what I'm thinking right now.

Thinking too much

Haha......my new hairstyle. Ok some of my collegue were shocked and asked me what happen.........asking my izzit I just broke up with my boy friend. Haha.....how I broke up when I don't even have someone to break with. I just smile, lazy to answer all these non-sense. Some said I look young........I interpret it as childish. Actually with my old hairstyle, someone had already thought that I'm 17. Now with this new hairstyle, I think maybe I look around 13-14. Hhmm.......isn't it weird to see a teenage gal wearing OL style going to work?? Haha.........no comment as long as I feel comfortable with it.

Recently also noted some of the guys collegue IM me in the office, one keep on bugging me to do OT, eventhough I said no a few times. Another one sending me someone's ID and password, I'm already very blur and confused, after clarify with him, it's just a mistake, he send wrong message to the wrong ppl. He thought that the ID is mine and what a weird password he put there, 'bearbear'. He's quite a serious guy, last time my friend asked him to reset her ID password and he gave 'smartXXX' but now 'bearbear'. I somehow thought that he trying to make fun of me or something. May be I really think too much.

My company is organising an outing next year, but need to register now. It's a 2 days 1 night trip, so 2 ppl will be sharing a room. So suprise that so many ppl asked me to be her roommate. Actually I haven't really thought about the trip due to too busy with the work, since they asked me about it, so I agree to go. The company dinner will be held during that trip as well........suddenly feel very excited about it. May be because it's a company outing which means the whole company will participate, which also means that he might go as well. Haha........I really thinking too much lately. Trying to make the impossible possible.

....

All I'm asking is just a normal happy family. But it's too much for the god to give me. After a whole day work, thought of seeking some warmth or some happiness from home. But it seems like impossible for me......to create a quiet and peaceful place also need so much effort.

I'm tired......tired of trying to hold things all together.....tired of making the impossible possible.....tired of making all the sacrifice that go down the drain afterwards........

Sometimes how I wish I could tell someone all these.......just lend me a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on........but I know is impossible. I was not born to be strong.........but I was force to become strong.

Planning for 2008

Sometimes I really don't understand how a person thinks........eventhough I have known him for 20 years. Now only I knew his actual self........really took some time for me to digest it. But then it's better to know now than to know it another 20 years later.

I have just got my authority recently which I didn't expected to be so quick.......May be haven't get use to it yet, did some mistake last few days. Hopefully from tomorrow onwards, less mistake and more efficient......I use too much time on one case. This weekend had did some revising.......trying to refresh my mind on what have I learnt during this training and to apply it on my work. Imagine to cram 5 mths training into my head in just 2 days. But at least I now still manage to settle most of it already..........only afraid that I'll forget after a good night sleep........lol.

Now is November.......time really pass by too fast. Another 2 more mths, will be a brand new year. This year a lot changes in me.......there's some things that I had been holding on it for too long and it's time to let it go. Currently main focus in on work............and trying to open myself to opportunities.........this part I need more time. So I did manage to clear some of my 2007 new year resolutions...........I think should start planning for 2008.