When someone asked me for advice on changing jobs, I can really easily tell them to think twice and to understand whether is this what they really want. Because in the end, they're the one making the change, not me. But when they asked me why did I still remain in my current job, despite all those seniority politics around that I hate so much.......few months back, I was stunned by that question because I myself don't even know why as it never cross my mind.

My whole family member and my close friends all use one common word to describe my job..........crazy............all of them had been asking me to change job everytime they heard stories from me. How am I able to resist all these without resigning?? I also don't know how did I manage it through........

May be I'm good in creating my own barrier in office, protecting myself from all those political issues. I did overheard things that I don't want to listen, I did see things which I don't want to look at..........may be it's just that I'm too good in selective deafness and selective blindness. My work wasn't to entertain people, especially people who have their nose hanging up high, sorry because my job description doesn't include that. Likely this's one of my way of surviving, they can choose either to take me or to fire me, I don't even bother about that as no matter what they choose, they are the one at the losing end, not me.

Yesterday, I finished my work 15 minutes earlier from the actual OT time, I just pack my stuff, close my PC and went off only. Others did look at me, they only saw I left early, but did they saw how early I came........so I'm not wrong. Sometimes I feel that I'm so damn stubborn......and it's the first time that I feeling so happy about being so stubborn like a cow. Moooooo..........

生活好无趣......可能只有我的才那么闷吧。人缘又差......虽然表面上好像无所谓，可惜骗了好多人.....都怪自己太会演了。人生就像一场戏，主角或配角或二打六.......就要看你如何带自己。有些人从头到尾都想成为主角，就拼命和不折手段，为了争取这重要的角色。我呢应该是完全相反的，我喜欢在圈外一旁观察一切，这种角度看东西，往往比任何人更清楚，不许为了某地位某利益虚假的过生活。难怪人缘会那么差.......

船到桥头自然直

又被通知要加班到8.30pm，平时回都有问题了，现在更迟........虽然已告诉了上司我的问题，我还offer to stay 到7.30pm without claim OT but 他们还是insist 要我呆到8.30pm，讲等于没讲。What is the logic? 难道我一个人影响有那么大？那一个小时难道我就会complete更多case吗？叫他们开少一些会议，少点拿non-work related task来做，其实根本就不用留到那么迟。

他们为了那RM3000，may be quite worth it if one of the staff was abducted while on the way back home，可能还可以当属金。算了啦，船到桥头自然直.......以前四岁时一个人在shopping complex走失了，也可以一个人在黑暗中安全走路回到家.......现在那么大，应该难不倒我。靠人不如靠己.........

Isn't it funny when 2 person staying in the same house, both of them went back to the same house everyday but never got to meet each other for few days?

He has already been back from out-station since Monday, I knew that by seeing his car in the porch. I went off to work quite early while he's sleeping as he's working hours is more flexible than mine. By the time I'm back at home, it's already 9pm, and he's not back yet as his car is not in the porch. Likely he'll be back when I'm already in my dreams. So this could go on and on til Saturday if I'm working on Saturday as well. Sometimes it could be worst that even weekends we won't see each other.

So when we meet each other, we sometime greets 'long time no see, how are you'. Jeez....sounds so funny. He's the first of all the housemate that I hardly meet for days by staying in the same house. At least, we had found something between both of our lives, workaholic......

又失眠了......这些压力真的太多了，连唯一最好的解压方法-睡觉，我都有困难。不想依赖药......

午餐时，平时当我们这些junior要订外卖时，一定会问整个department要不要一起订。昨天，听见那些senior有订外卖，我刚好坐在那附近听见，有个senior问到whether要参junior吗，只听见那senior答不要。

突然觉得我们好傻，我们为什么要对他们那么好呢？之从，两个Assistant Manager都走了后，升了这班人，我承认我从不看好他们，他们这样的态度更加证明了我没看错。再过几个星期，连唯一appreciate我们这班junior的Manager也要走了。真的是没眼看.....他们的leadership qualities......没字可形容。

最近，我想了很清楚，其实我是喜欢这份工，而是这些人导致我会那么犹豫，使我对这份工开始失去兴趣......我原本以为问题出在我身上，没想到和其他junior提起我心里的感觉时，他们全部都有同感呢。其实，我们全都不算junior了，我们已工作一年多了，最近还请了一大班新人，那些才算是junior。But anyway，我们永远都会被tag as junior。

现在，我只做好自己的本分，他们要如何折磨我也好，我也不理会，as long as 我完成我该做的事，准时回就好。最近也开始喜欢带耳机听歌while工作，不是压力大听歌解压，而是不想听到一些‘杂音’。真的工作会开心一些.......highly recommended。

换了新的发形，连续改变了好多事，全部都太突然了。工作上的突破最大，昨天被通知要做reopen的case，平时这个是比较experience的senior才会负责，很好奇为什么会给我做，到现在还是想不通。今天更刺激，authority已经上升了，薪水也升一点点，但工作却越来越多。现在，只知道很累，一下子开多事发生了。

至于感情和人缘，sigh......昨天突然他叫我转过来，就因要看我笑，我不知该如何反应，只是看着他，应该是傻眼的看着他，更尴尬的是其他人也听见，也傻眼的看着我们俩。我不想知道为什么，也不想再想了。

唯一失望的，应该是当他们打电话给其中一个也升authority的junior，想到自己没人恭喜，更没人分享这快乐.......sigh.......自己开心就好，我快乐吗？

昨天，得到一天的leave，就去整理我这凌乱的头发，平时太忙了，连好好照镜子的时间也没有，没想到自己的头发蛮吓人，身边的人也不告诉我，真糟糕！算了吧，头发是我的，又不是他们的，被嘲笑的人也是我，不是他们.......

最近的压力也太大了，生病了这么久，到现在还没恢复，葯也吃完了却还是伤风咳嗽。趁着假日，还是好好在家里休息养伤吧。发觉自己整天在折磨自己，再加上身边的人都是自私鬼，当然没人会理会我。咳，真的需要学会多爱惜自己.......自己不疼惜自己，怎么渴望有人会来照顾我呢.......

从星期一，一直工作至昨天星期日，每个人应该是在这国庆日里好好休息吧.......我而还在公司埋头苦干，其实星期三已开始病了，但为了公司就牺牲了健康，也不想在最重要时期请病假。公司里有没有人会appreciate我这样牺牲对我而言，已不重要了，因我这么做是对自己的工作负上应有的责任吧了。如果每个senior都肯这么做就好了.......

现在看到TI可以和senior相处得那么好，真让人羡慕。迟一些，WL, YW 和WC走了后，我应该是唯一与senior有很大距离的junior了。咳.....算了吧，我这人本来就是独来独往的，也无法期望些什么。

今天，虽然是假期，也没人约我出去。有时觉得自己很可怜，哥也忙去拍拖了，弟有时出街比我多呢，为什么我总是呆在家里的那个呢？只好在家里上网或翻开我的小说吧.......so pathetic。可能这也是一个好办法来训练我学习过好一个人的生活吧........