归属感

我已失去了，在公司永远被遗忘的那一位，在家里也快被赶出门了。我已没有那熟悉的归属感了.....突然身边全部都很陌生。难道真的需讨人喜欢才能生存吗？真的需违背自己心里的感受强迫自己做不像做的事，为了让别人接受你？

这世界太现实了.......时时要提醒自己不要成为他们的一分子，我要靠自己，靠自己的心血和实力，加油啊！

无药可救

当senior IM 我时，真的很开心，以为终于I'm part of the family 了。怎知道，其实是被利用，要我问我邻居的生日日期，我一直追问为什么要知道，都不肯说真话。到最后，原来只不过想知道他们是不是这个月生日，因打算集体吹生日蛋糕。难道，这么简单的问题，也要那么鬼鬼祟祟吗？我与 senior 那个 gap 不管我如何弥补，我都觉得白费工夫，我不应该那么天真，盼望奇迹会发生，除非太阳可从西边升起吧。

Day dream too much

Today finally went back to work after rested so many days.......at first thought that will heard some considerate concerns from some people, instead all I heard was laughter. I really day dreamed too much, hoping too much for the impossible to happen.

Am I feeling heart broken now?? Why do I have such feeling?? May be it's just a mixture of disappointment and sadness.

Already been having headaches since this morning, I guess it's really time to stop all these.

Biten...

Yesterday night biten by my own dog..........he's in the middle of a fight with another dog. I afraid that he'll get injured thus I drag his chain to seperate them apart, in the end, he bite me and I fell on the ground. He still biting my elbow eventhough I tried to push him away........after strunggling few minutes I think......he finally aware that he's biting his own owner and he just walk away to a corner.

I'm shocked to see my hand bleeding........my family not aware what was happening outside until I enter the hall with blood all over my sleeve and hand. I don't want what to say.....still in a mist of shock......only went directly to the wash room to wash off my wound. The pain and all the questioning from my family triggered my tears.......even a simple question whether am I in pain......I couldn't even answer. They send me to the hospital directly to get the injection as it's already 10pm likely every clinic is closed already. So late already but still a lot ppl waiting at the A&E.......my number is just only 7 digit away but there's only one doctor on duty, so nearly took me forever to wait. They gave me the tetanus jab first while waiting......afraid that I'll having stiffness etc. But my wound is still bleeding......the tissue I use already full of blood. The people overthere thought I just had an accident......but still I'm waiting in line for my number. Jeez private hospital were as slow as the government's.......should be much more slower than the gov........

Finally, saw the doc, took my medication......it's already 12am. One trip like this already cost me RM 140++, hopefully my company will reimburse the bill. The doc gave me 3 days off..........3 days........the first thing on my mind is work. Surely my colleagues were going to have their say again........our company already flooded with so many pending case and now I'm off for 3 days til next week. My mom scolded me "Don't bother about them, you didn't force the doc to gave you 3 days MC. Just take your rest!". Yeah......she's right. I should put myself in first priority, not my job. Besides, yesterday night didn't really sleep well. My wound still bleeding and swell, damn painful. Luckily it's only on my right hand, not both.

As for my dog, I think he also felt guilty as he's looking at me with that guilty look. No matter what, punishment will postpone til I'm fully recovered. Weird that people have dog phobia after being biten........may be it's because I'm a dog lover in the first place.

Ok better have my rest now.......feeling slight dizzy already, may be it's the antibiotics. Jeez......another boring weekend at home again. This time really have to stay at home.......